NaruToons
by pain17ification
Summary: Giving into despair, Naruto calls upon his tenant to end his suffering. However, instead of killing the boy, the Kyuubi breaks his mind and causes her host to become insane in the Looney variety! Now, with feats that defy laws of nature and space, the last Uzumaki of the Hidden Leaf will carve a path of craziness and downright looniness on his way to what he truly desires!
1. Chapter 1: The Looney Maelstrom

**What's up, doc? Here I am with another crazy story idea!**

**See, I come from a generation where **_**Looney Tunes**_** used to show up every morning on the weekends and I'd wake up early just to watch. I've watched a couple of old clips on YouTube and I have to say that I miss the zaniness and overall craziness.**

**So, I've decided – with the help of two very close people – to try and make a **_**Naruto**_** and **_**Looney Tunes**_** crossover!**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

**X-x-X**

_NaruToons Chapter One_

_The Looney Maelstrom_

**X-x-X**

We begin this tale with a peaceful little village, where-

"WAIT A SECOND!"

A teenager dressed in a black shirt with an orange vest, red pants, and black sandals wearing a Hidden Leaf headband runs in front of a blank white canvas.

Pointing at the viewers, the teen yells, "Hey wise guy, we can't have a story intro without some scenery!"

_Huh… I guess I forgot to put that there. Hang on a sec._

A paintbrush appears next to the redheaded boy and moves in an artistic fashion, giving the viewers an image of the beautiful Village Hidden in the Leaves with the teen standing on an old apartment rooftop.

_How's that?_

"It'll do. Now, onto the story!" (1)

**X-x-X**

There was a large, gray colored building within the walls of the Hidden Leaf, placed in one of the more secluded sections of the village. This building was dull and quite plain, but a large sign out front read _Hidden Leaf Asylum_.

It is here that citizens of the Leaf who have, to put it bluntly, lost their minds for any reason reside. Within one of these rooms, an elderly man was seen seated in a comfortable chair with a straightjacket on while a redheaded teen was lounging on his back with his arms as a pillow…on the room's ceiling.

"…And that is where you come in, my boy," stated the man, finishing the explanation to his dilemma concerning the Academy Graduates. "You're the only one around their age group that is remotely prepared for what's out there; though I had hoped you would've learned from a more…reliable source."

The teen grinned widely and waved his hand in dismissal. "C'mon Gramps, you're too hard on her. She said she was sorry after all. Besides, it's not her fault that some guy with pink eye drove her nuts."

"Even so, she's the reason you're in this place, Naruto," argued the man.

"Pfft! You know for a fact that the reason I'm here is not because of her." He dropped from the ceiling and sat down to face the tied up Hokage. "The reason I'm here is because _you_ thought it'd be best for me when I was just fine! I mean, look at me! I'm in the prime of my life here, Gramps! So what if you think I'm crazy!"

"Naruto, I never said that."

"But you implied it. Besides," his grin grew and stretched across his face, "I'm not crazy; I just don't give a darn!"

He then started bouncing all over the walls in whooping laughter that made the Hokage both mentally smile and frown at the same time. He was happy to see Naruto so upbeat, but he knew the only reason he was so was because his mind was damaged.

It had taken years – ever since Naruto was seven years old – for the truth of Naruto's mental damage to be brought to life. From what he had gathered during the rare moments of Naruto being serious, the boy had escaped into his own mind when the hatred and disgust of the villagers finally got to him. The boy had unknowingly entered the representation of the seal and met the Kyuubi; who revealed itself to be a female.

Desperate for an escape and a release from his life, he had begged the vixen to put an end to the hurt and the pain, promising anything in return. It still surprised the old Kage that the Kyuubi only damaged Naruto's mind to the point of insanity instead of outright hilling him. The result of the damage done by the vixen was Naruto disregarding all signs of the village's hatred of him in exchange for insane antics.

His pranking had _tripled_ in activity during the first year, and the pranks were surprisingly far more intricate in design than they were before. Not only had that occurred, but the mixture of the Kyuubi's chakra into his brain had spread to his entire body, coating it and his natural network in small fragments of Bijuu chakra. This resulted in something worthwhile happening to Naruto; which was another reason for Hiruzen to place him in the Leaf's asylum.

Now, the Hokage wished to utilize that worthwhile phenomenon to full effect and have Naruto join the ninja core. With his insanity and the unusual abilities the Kyuubi had unknowingly – or possibly even knowingly – bestowed upon him, the Uzumaki would be a force to be reckoned with.

First, he had to get Naruto to calm down and agree.

"Naruto, settle down for one second please and listen!" The boy was in front of the man on a dime, once more surprising the Kage with his speed. "I need you to take a spot on the remaining team of graduates from the Academy. Without you, they would be down a member and unable to become Genin of the village."

Naruto nodded and hummed in thought. "So, I get to be a Genin then, huh? Why not just pull someone from reserves?"

"Because most Genin from reserves are already experienced enough to be Chunin and are awaiting private tests with an experienced one. This leaves you, Naruto, since you're trained and you're around their age."

The teen frowned at that before his thoughts turned inward. _'What do you think?'_

_**"****I say go for it. I mean, it's not like you'll be allowed to do much else in here, considering you're loony and all."**_

_'I guess… Hey, does this mean I can mess with other people…on the outside?'_ His grin grew to new lengths at the thought.

_**"****Of course, Kit! You'll be able to fuck with any person you meet and show them your special brand of crazy!"**_

"I'm in!" yelled the redhead, to both the old man and his tenant.

Hiruzen smiled and nodded, standing up from his seat. "Excellent. Now, we'll head to the Academy at once so you can meet your team. I asked them to wait for me there. I'll have someone give you clothes since a hospital gown just won't do for a Hidden Leaf Genin."

Two ANBU operatives entered the room and freed the Hokage from the straightjacket before leading him and Naruto out. As soon as they were out, one of the operatives grabbed the boy and started squeezing the life out of him.

"Thank Kami you're finally out! I've missed you so much, squirt!" exclaimed a female voice while Naruto's face turned blue and his head started to expand like a balloon about to burst.

His head actually did pop at that, releasing a BANG followed by confetti and streamers. The ANBU casually tossed the body aside and looked up, seeing Naruto standing on the ceiling with a pout.

"That wasn't nice, y'know." He then paled and had a look of horror. "I coulda died!"

"Like you would die from that, squirt. Besides, I hardly hugged ya!"

Hiruzen and the other ANBU member chuckled at their antics before the Hokage stated, "Snake, you are relieved of ANBU duties for the time being. I'm reassigning you to the IT Dept. with Ibiki."

"Oh, goody goody!" gleefully cheered the ANBU member before she removed her mask, showing a young woman with purple hair styled into a fan like tail, brown eyes without pupils, and a slightly fanged grin.

"About time you got outta disguise, nee-chan," Naruto stated with a grin before clothes were smacked into his face.

"Shaddup!" she yelled. "Put those on already and let's go, brat!"

Mocking her command with a high pitched voice that made her eye twitch, he stepped into a small room before coming out in a black shirt under an open orange vest that had a red spiral on the back, red pants, black sandals, and a Hidden Leaf headband loosely hanging around his neck. On his forehead was a pair of goggles that had been given to him as a child by the Ichiraku Ramen chefs.

"Alright then, I'm ready to go!" he stated with a grin.

_**"****Looking good there, Kit. The clothes really suit you."**_

_'Heh… Thanks, Kyuubi.'_

_**"****What did I tell you to call me?"**_

He mentally gulped at her tone and corrected himself, _'I mean thanks, kaa-chan.'_

She smiled at him after he rectified his thanks. _**"That's a good Kit…"**_

Mentally smiling back to her, Naruto followed the others as they led him to the Academy. Along the way, villagers were giving him shocked looks along with looks of distrust and hatred. However unlike before, Naruto ignored those looks and smiled widely, humming a tune the entire time and singing the verses every now and then.

"Hmm hmm, hm-hmm… _Hello my baby, hello my honey_… Hm-hmm hm-hmm hmm hmm… _Baby, my heart's on fire_…"

Mitarashi Anko chuckled at that, knowing the song since he would sing it to himself now and then in his cell. She was a frequent visitor of the boy, seeing as she was the one that Hiruzen had bring him in. The kid was just too much fun and she was allowed inside the room with him at times, allowing her to see firsthand just how loony – his words – he was.

In her eyes, Naruto loved to laugh and be silly, and he seemed to enjoy it even more when he either messed with someone or made them laugh. It was during her visits that the two shared ideas and eventually got close. It was by accident one day that she had called him otouto, and at first she thought she had gone too far when she saw him tense and freeze.

But seconds later, she was busy keeping her balance as the boy sized bullet slammed into her and hugged her tightly. Something sparked in her that day, and she mentally made a promise to make sure that the kid would keep on laughing…for his own sake.

They had finally made it to the Academy and Naruto was led into a classroom where four people were waiting. The first was the Chunin instructor, Umino Iruka. He bowed politely to them while discreetly – in his opinion – eyeing the redheaded boy.

The second adult was a woman with wavy raven hair, wine red eyes, and some unique attire made of what appeared to be wrappings. It suited her well, strangely enough.

The two Genin beside her were a boy and a girl. The boy had bushy hair and wore a coat with a high collar that left only his shaded eyes visible. He had a look of utter calm and seriousness about him. The girl had platinum blonde hair and wore a purple outfit that accentuated her developing figure. She gave the boy a polite wave since she thought he looked pretty handsome. (2)

"Naruto, these three are the remaining members of your team. Your sensei is Yuhi Kurenai," she nodded politely and smiled at him, "Aburame Shino," he stood and gave a small bow, "and Yamanaka Ino." She waved again with a wink.

"Yo! Pleased to meet you!" greeted Naruto. "As for me…"

He grinned before he threw down a smoke bomb that already had Anko grinning. The others were surprised to find themselves in theater styled seats with a stage before them. A spotlight hit the stage and smoke came from openings. From the smoke, Naruto appeared with his arms crossed and a confident smirk on his face.

_"Introducing, the world's looniest ninja of all time; Uzumaki Naruto!"_

Confetti shot out and Naruto pulled out a top hat and cane from nowhere before he started to tap dance off the stage alongside upbeat music. When he was gone and the lights shut off, Anko laughed loudly in her seat while Kurenai and Hiruzen had small smiles. The two Genin, one Chunin, and remaining ANBU member were left confused as to how Naruto had pulled it off before they turned to Anko who clapped and whistled.

In another burst of smoke, the scenery returned to that of the classroom with Naruto sitting on the top of the cane, perfectly balanced and cross legged as if he'd done it many times before. "So, what'd you guys think?" he asked with a grin.

Kurenai was the first to speak, clearing her throat first. "Well, you certainly are as eccentric as ever, Naruto. Though for the sake of _our_ sanity, please refrain from going overboard too much with your antics."

"No promises there, Kurenai-sensei!"

Shino fixed his glasses and commented, "It certainly was theatrical, though I'm unsure of how you were able to change our location so easily. It seems impossible, yet you obviously did it." He nodded, seemingly to himself. "I look forward to trying to deduce these 'antics' sensei says you do, Uzumaki-san."

"Oi, enough with the fancy shmancy smart talk, bug man! Speak the common tongue!"

"I was under the impression that I was. Forgive me if you had trouble understanding."

Naruto shrugged and waved off the apology while Ino finally composed herself. "That was…weird. But, it was kinda stylish at the same time. At least you'll keep things interesting."

"Girl," began Anko with a snicker, "you have _no idea_ how true that statement will be."

"Well, I believe I'm no longer needed here. Boar, return to your post. I'll be in my office shortly. Iruka, you're free to go as well."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," saluted the ANBU and Chunin as they left in a leafy **Body Flicker**.

"Be sure to listen to your sensei and help your teammates, Naruto. And also, keep in mind that the Will of Fire burns strong in all of us."

He then left while Anko stood up and stretched. 'Well brat, I'm gonna go clean up that extra room of mine. No way am I letting you go back to that poor excuse of a shack you called home."

"Aww!" he whined. "B-But it was such a cozy little shack! It was just my size!"

She bopped him on the head. "Well too damn bad! You're living with me and that's final! Got it?!"

He shrunk – literally shrunk to a chibi size – at her glare with cute little fox ears and a fluffy ball of fur for a tail. "Hai, Anko-nee…"

She grinned victoriously and ruffled his chibi head before she left, allowing him to return back to normal. Kurenai rolled her eyes at that, having seen personally how close the two were when Anko dragged her along for a visit one day.

She had also seen just how crazy Naruto's antics and abilities were, so she knew just how dangerous the boy could be to potential threats. After all, the stuff he could pull off made what he already shown look incredibly tame. She was still unsure if it was possible that he did those things, but she wouldn't question it.

Rumor had it that the last doctor who tried to question the redhead's antics and figure them out found himself with a cell of his own at the asylum.

"Well then, I believe we'll continue this next time. We'll meet at Field 8, which corresponds with our team number, so that we can fully introduce ourselves and I can administer your true Genin Test."

Shino nodded, having already figured out there would be a second test. Ino frowned at the sudden information, but she wouldn't let herself fail to become a kunoichi. Naruto…

Well, Naruto was playing cards with two clones at a poker table; each clone with a large cigar in their mouths.

"I have two Queens," stated the first.

"Flush of Diamonds," the second one said with a smirk.

The last – and original – redhead grinned and threw down his cards. "Royal Straight Flush! I love it when a _hand_ comes together!" he declared, making the other two glare as he pulled all of the chips to his side. "Don't hate the player boys," he said as he took a drag and blew out the rest of the phrase in smoke.

_Hate the game!_

Kurenai's brow twitched at the blatant smoking coming from the three redheaded players. _'I get enough smoke from Asuma whenever he flirts with me! I do NOT need any more smoke!'_

Naruto and his clones caught the small burst of killing intent and froze before they woodenly turned to her. "Uh-oh…"

"Naruto…" she began in a low tone, surprising the other two Genin.

"Well, what do ya know?!" hurriedly exclaimed the Uzumaki as his clones dispersed. "It's time for me to go! Tootles!"

With a start of him running in place so fast his feet became blurring whirls, he shot out of the room like a rocket with a dust cloud trail following him. As the dust cleared, a sticky note was seen on the chalkboard with a drawing of a chibi Naruto with his foxy features throwing them a peace sign and a grin. While outwardly giving a look of irritation, internally Kurenai was chuckling mirthfully at his antics. She was going to enjoy having him. Though, a part of her wished that she could teach Hinata – due to her insecurities – she knew that the Hokage was right about her emotional attachments. She would be more of a hindrance to the girl due to her unconscious coddling.

She hated that it was true, but she couldn't deny it.

With a final nod to her remaining Genin, she left in a **Body Flicker** while they calmly walked out of the Academy building. The sane members of Team 8 all shared the same feelings of anxiety and worry that day, having seen just how loony their redheaded teammate was.

And their careers would only get loonier from then on.

**X-x (End Chapter) x-X**

**1~ Occasionally, scenes like this will happen where Naruto breaks the Fourth Wall. When these scenes occur, my responses will look **_like this_ **while Naruto's will be typed normally.**

**2~ Due to being in the asylum, Naruto never got introduced to the other Rookies. So, no one knows about him yet; though their parents do.**

**Th-Th-Th-That's all folks for Chapter One! I hope you all enjoyed this and got a good laugh! I gotta admit that this story seems like it'll be loads of fun to type up!**

**Just a warning, chapters may be much shorter than my other works since this is mainly a FanFiction made on a whim. I still hope you all review it and love it as much as my other works!**

**pain17ification**


	2. Chapter 2: Comic Mischief

***plays **_**Looney Tunes**_** intro theme***

**Here we are with Chapter Two of NaruToons!**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

**X-x-X**

_NaruToons Chapter Two_

_Comic Mischief_

**X-x-X**

Loud snoring was heard coming from a small room within an apartment complex. It was surprisingly powerful, considering that the door to the room curved inward with each inhale and then curved outward with each exhale. The snorer was none other than our resident redheaded teen who was sprawled out on his bed.

His leg was twitching every few seconds, he had a puddle of drool on the sheets he slept over, and a cloud was seen attached to his head. Within the cloud, there were little scenes of the teen performing some of more insane pranks and the reactions that resulted from them. It was a hilarious montage, considering that a certain Snake Mistress was seated in a chair with a bag of popcorn as she watched and snickered at the various scenes, taking care not to wake up her charge and ruin the show.

The Uzumaki snorted, making the cloud turn into vapor as he stirred awake while Anko was left pouting. As soon as he sat up on the bed, she bopped him over his red locks and made him eat the sheets.

"Dammit brat, I was watching that!" she yelled, getting a muffled reply from the teen. "I don't care if you can't control when you wake up! You ruined my show!" Another muffled reply followed, making her gain a tic mark. "Oh, I'm being _overdramatic_, huh?"

Grabbing him by the scruff of his white night shirt, she hefted him up and carried him to the kitchen before slamming him into a chair at the table. She gave him a look that dared him to move before she got to cooking in the kitchen. The redhead grew paler and paler at the growing scent before the dish was presented to him:

Steamed vegetables.

His eyes became pure white in horror as he tried to get up and make a break for it. However, Anko was faster and used ninja wire to hold him in place, making him struggle to get free. It was no use and his face comically drained of all color as Anko held a spoonful of veggies to his face.

"Gonna take it back?" she asked while waving the spoon threateningly.

"Never!" he declared as his mouth zipped shut and a padlock appeared to lock it shut.

Her tic mark returned, along with two friends. "Oh, you're not getting out of it _that_ easily, you little brat!"

Outside the apartment room, bystanders and passerby people heard sounds of scuffling, female yells of rage, and male yells of fear. They also heard explosions, blows being dealt and…

"MOOOOO!" *CRASH!*

…a cow.

Finally, the door opened and Naruto, in his normal clothes, sped out as if he was being chased by the hounds of hell…and those hounds were in the form of his irate sister hot on his trail. On the way out, he sped past a silver haired Jonin, causing the force of his speed to blow away most of the man's clothes save for his boxers and his facemask.

Anko slowed to a stop as she approached the man, took a look at him as he was left frozen in surprise, and then promptly fell on her ass in a fit of laughter that made her forget everything else that had occurred. The shocked man finally rebooted his thoughts before he left in a swirl of leaves, desperately trying to figure out what the hell had just occurred.

Back with Naruto, he was still running at high speed with a visible force of speed and wind surrounding him as he rocketed through the village streets, making the air currents pick up with the force of a mid-rank wind jutsu. He finally figured that he was in the clear and began to skid to a stop, leaving a long black trail that began to crack from the pure force of his momentum.

When he finally reached his stop, he sighed in relief and looked back to his mark on the roads. Humming in thought, he formed a clone and pulled out some measuring tape, having the clone snag the end tip.

The clone nodded and sped off to the origin of the mark while the original redhead read the measurement. "One hundred…and…eight feet. Not bad," he stated with a grin before both the tape and the distant clone left in plumes of smoke.

The teen took a look at his surroundings with his blue slitted eyes. This was the only visible side effect of the Kyuubi breaking his mind, and she commented on how it added appeal to his normal look. His sclera were a natural white, his irises were a deep purple, and the slit pupil in each eye was a bright, almost glowing, blue. Naruto liked how "cool" his eyes were while Anko noted that they'd be great for intimidation.

To his luck, he had arrived at the designated training field that his possible sensei told him and his possible teammates to meet at. Grinning at his unintended success at arriving first, he dug into his vest pocket and pulled out a scroll labeled "ACME" before he sat down and unrolled it across his lap.

"Now, let's see what I can build today."

_Uh, Naruto…?_

He rolled his eyes and replied, "What, voice in my head?"

_You do realize that ACME has always had faulty merchandise…right?_

He shrugged and kept looking. "Maybe, but who's to say it won't work in my favor when the faults occur at _just_ the right time?"

_Do you realize how utterly stupid that sounds?_

"To you, it does since you lack my insane mentality! But to me, it makes perfect sense!"

_Ugh… You know what? I give up. Do as you please, but don't blame me when it blows up in your face._

Naruto nodded to himself and kept browsing while his two teammates arrived to the field. Shino moved over to some bushes to let his bugs try and find more for his internal colony while Ino moved over to the redhead to look at the scroll over his shoulder. She had a look of confusion when she saw that it was filled with labels that had the company name ACME on each one.

"What's ACME?" asked the blonde.

"A company I've done business with before. They're rumored to be faulty by _some people_," he began before looking up with a frown, confusing Ino, and continuing, "but I've been lucky with them so far."

She shrugged and sat down next to him, looking at the scroll with him and asking about a label whenever it looked interesting to her. Shino had also sat down, but across from them, and greeted his redheaded teammate. Naruto greeted back politely, since his mind was more focused on the scroll than any insane antics.

By the time Kurenai had arrived – about fifteen minutes later – Naruto had put away the scroll and was lounging against one of the training posts while Ino was checking her supplies and Shino was communicating with his female beetle. "Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning, Yuhi-sensei," returned Shino respectfully, as was normal for members of the Aburame.

"Good morning, Kurenai-sensei!" cheerfully greeted Ino. She was pleased that her sensei was one of the better known kunoichi of the village.

Naruto gave a lazy wave as the large white hat that looked far more western was tilted down over his eyes. "Yo, sensei."

She didn't even bother to ask where he got the hat she had _definitely_ not seen him wearing just a second ago. "So, we are here for your true Genin Test. Fair warning that this test has a 66% fail rate. That means, at most statistically, only one of you has a chance at passing." Ino visibly gulped in worry, Shino frowned thoughtfully, and Naruto raised the hat's brim above his eyes so that he could look directly at the Jonin. "In the Hidden Leaf, we only accept those who rise above the challenges and prove themselves to be valuable assets and members of the village's Ninja Corps. As such, not many actually do pass the tests which led to the high failure rate."

She let that sink in to them, pleased to see that she had their attention; even Naruto's. After a few moments, she pulled out a small scroll and tossed it to Shino, who caught it with ease.

"In that scroll is a set of instructions that I want you to follow. The goal for you three is to see the mission completed and follow the directions fully." They nodded and the other two gathered around Shino as he opened the scroll. "When you three feel as if you've finished, then return here. You all have until 2pm to finish."

She then left a swirl of leaves, leaving the Genin-to-be to read over the scroll. Shino read the directions aloud. "First, the team is to locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son."

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Ino.

"It's a riddle," Shino stated. "We need to decipher it before we move on."

Naruto meanwhile took the scroll and read through it while the other two tried to work out the riddle. There were four directions to follow, and they were:

_Locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son_

_Steal the treasure of the lazy dog_

_Sabotage the twin guardians_

_Damage the pleasure of the snake queen_

He frowned at them all, his mind working into overdrive to try and figure it out. As he thought out the riddles, Kyuubi to note of dozens of little chibi redheads looking over stacks and piles of paperwork on a large table. She chuckled at how each one tried to offer an answer, but was immediately shut down when the answer ended up being overly ridiculous or just plain stupid. It went on for a while, with one clone even sent to a corner with a Dunce Cap for an incredibly stupid idea, before they finally got most of the answers.

The first answer was to take Sarutobi Asuma's cigarettes, the second was to steal one of Hatake Kakashi's porn books, the third was still unsolved, and the last… The chibi redheads all gulped in fear, faces pale at the answer. The fourth order was to mess with Mitarashi Anko's dango.

The redheads all got into a single file and walked through a door that had the words "Death Row" over the frame. As soon as the last one passed through, the real Naruto perked up and then had a look of utter terror on his face. Ino took note of this, since she and Shino had stopped their own brainstorming to get input from their final teammate. She was the first to turn to him and she saw the look on his face.

"You alright, Naruto?" she asked.

"We're doomed," he muttered before he pulled out an ink brush and a paper with the words "My Will" on the top. Shino raised a brow at his actions while Ino had a look of worry, but Naruto paid them no mind as he focused on finishing his Will. As soon as he did, he pocketed it and sighed. "I got most of it figured out. We need to take Asuma-sensei's cigarettes, one of Kakashi-sensei's porn books, I don't know the third, and the last…is to ruin Anko-nee's dango."

Shino looked over the scroll again, nodding at the redhead's deduction while Ino tried to comfort him by gently patting his shoulder. "Hey, it'll be okay. I mean, it's not like this Anko lady loves dango more than life itself, right?" His silence was all the answer she needed, and she had a cold bead of sweat roll down her neck. "O-Oh…"

Shino rolled up the scroll and pocketed it. "The third one was a bit trickier than the others. The two Chunin at the village gate aren't twins, but they are still guards of the village. My guess is that sensei wished for us to surprise them in some manner."

"What do we do, Shino?" the blonde asked. "This test is insane. I mean, Asuma holds his smokes in his pocket, Kakashi is always reading his and I don't know where he keeps his others, the guards will be easiest, and the Anko lady will _kill_ us when she finds out what we did."

Before Shino could answer, Naruto blurted out, "Leave the Jonin and Anko-nee to me." Ino looked to him in surprise while Shino motioned for him to explain. "I could get the drop on them since they won't expect me. Not to mention that the Chunin guards have the least amount of risk, and I'm _much_ more durable than you two." Shino frowned alongside Ino, making the redhead raise his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, I wasn't saying that you two are weak. I'm just saying that I can survive a Jonin's wrath; considering I piss off Anko-nee at least once a day."

Ino looked unsurely at Shino, who had unintentionally become the de facto team leader. The Aburame still had his frown in place, but it was in thought instead of irritation. "Are you sure, Naruto-san?"

Naruto nodded and slid his goggles over his eyes. "Just leave it to me."

Shino nodded. "Very well, then Ino and I will handle step three. We expect you to make it back in one piece, Naruto-san."

"Be careful, Naruto," added Ino before she and Shino left to do their assigned job.

Naruto sighed to himself before he took a crouching runner's stance, direction pointed at the village. His slit pupils gave off a slight glow as his legs ran in place and became twin whirls. Kyuubi then shouted, _**"Go!"**_ and Naruto shot off like a bullet, once again making a cone of force surround him as he ran.

He shot through the streets, making the same effect as before hit the civilians and blow them aside as he sped past. The goggles kept the wind and any particles from hitting his eyes as he made his way to the training fields of the other teams. The first was Field Ten, where Asuma was teaching his students Akamichi Choji, Haruno Sakura, and Nara Shikamaru.

Adding chakra to his speed, he vanished in a blur and the next thing Team Ten knew was a sudden gale of wind blowing past them with incredible force. The force was strong enough to lift up the foolishly dieting kunoichi-to-be and carry her into a tree hard enough to leave an indent. While Asuma went to check on her when the wind died down, he was unaware that his pack of cigarettes was swept away in the wind.

The next target was Team Seven's field, where Kakashi was in the middle of giving his team – consisting of Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Uchiha Sasuke – the Bell Test. While the Genin were unaware of what was about to happen, Kakashi perked up slightly when he felt an incredibly fast approaching chakra source. He frowned slightly, but made no motion of noticing the source.

Once again though, Naruto had added chakra to his speed and blurred right past the Jonin while snatching the man's book. To the man, it happened in slow motion, and he not only saw Naruto take the book. The teen had taken a small bit of time to turn and blow a raspberry at the man as he snagged the book and disappeared.

Kakashi was left in a state of shock, fingers twitching around empty space, as he stood there staring at where his book had been. He had unknowingly left himself open for his Genin-to-be, and they took the opportunity to strike.

The final stop on Naruto's three-step journey was the dango shop. This step was easier to do, but the consequences were _far direr_ than the other two. With a resigned look, the teen had bribed the chef to spike Anko's dango with chili powder; something that she _loathed_ to see on her sweet delicacies. The chef took only a little bit of the redhead's money, knowing full well that the kid was committing a death wish by doing this.

Wishing the kid the best of luck and a safe journey should he die from Anko's wrath, the chef bid Naruto goodbye and the teen rushed over to his team's field…just as Anko entered the establishment.

When Naruto arrived, he saw his teammates already there with a small photo as proof of their actions. Naruto held up the smoke pack and the book before he pulled out his will. As soon as all the proof was presented, Kurenai arrived.

"Well, I have to say that I'm impressed. Not only did you successfully finish the mission, you worked together to do so in a manner that provided the least amount of risk for you all."

"Speak for yourself," muttered Naruto as he signed his Will, making it official.

Ignoring him, Kurenai took the items from the Genin – letting Naruto keep the Will – before she sealed them all up into a scroll. "You all did very well, so I'm pleased to say that you all pass. Now, this team will specialize in infiltration and sabotage, which is something you all can contribute to." She turned to her female student. "Ino, your clan's techniques are perfect for both roles due to your ability to enter a target's mind." Ino smiled at that as the woman turned to her logical student. "Shino, your bugs can easily sneak around and take down enemy forces without them even realizing it. Not only that, but you can speak with them and get information from whatever they had witnessed." Shino nodded and fixed his glasses as Kurenai turned to her last student. "Naruto…your antics and incredibly versatile abilities make you perfect for mass sabotage as well as distraction. While the enemy focuses on you, the others can sneak in to get the job done." Naruto rubbed his head bashfully, not used to praise from anyone but his sister and mother figures. Kurenai smiled and nodded. "Congratulations, you are all now officially Genin and members of Team Eight."

Ino cheered at their success while Shino nodded to his new sensei and Naruto did a back-flip in excitement. However, as soon as the redhead landed, he froze in terror and woodenly turned to see an enraged Anko standing behind him with her arms crossed and her lips red from the chili powder.

"Naruto," she ground out slowly, making him run off to a small hole in the ground before diving inside of it. The woman stomped over to it, letting off her killing intent that left the other two Genin frozen in fear while Kurenai rolled her eyes. From the hole, a stick of dango on a plate was tossed out with a sign tied to it on a string.

The sign read "It was Kurenai-sensei's idea!" and had a picture of a flashing arrow pointed at said Jonin kunoichi. Anko frowned and turned to her friend who just shrugged. "I needed a test to challenge _all_ of my team. We both know that Naruto was more than capable of handling it all by himself if he wanted to. So, I needed a test that would challenge even him."

"But why'd it have to be my _dango_?!" whined Anko as Naruto nervously poked his head out of the hole. "You could've made him prank Hokage-sama! Now my lips and tongue are red and I can only have ice cream for the rest of the day! And I hate ice cream!"

Kurenai rolled her eyes again, waving her team away for the day. "Calm down. So you got burned by your favorite food. It's not the end of the world."

"It is for me," mumbled Anko, crouching sadly next to the hole. She was brought out of her funk by Naruto hugging her, making her smile. _'Damn kid… Here I am, one of the most feared kunoichi of the Leaf…and I'm left smiling with my walls down around this crazy brat.'_

"Are you gonna kill me now?" he asked.

She sighed and pulled him into her lap, her head rested on his as he turned into his chibi fox form. It was a form he took whenever he felt he had upset her, and she couldn't deny that it was adorable.

"Nah, I won't kill ya. Just don't ruin my dango again, alright?" He nodded as she held him. "Good boy."

Inside the seal, Kyuubi frowned at the scene. While she was happy that Naruto had a sister figure to help him out and take care of him, he was _her_ kit. She didn't want anyone to take him away from her; especially with how fragile he really was. No one but her knew just how vulnerable the boy was, and just how close he was to fully breaking every day.

_**"****I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, my kit. I swear it,"**_ she vowed within the darkness of her cage.

**X-x (End Chapter) x-X**

***plays **_**Looney Tunes**_** ending theme***

**That's all folks for Chapter Two! I hope you all enjoyed this and got a good laugh!**

**Now, I'm amazed at how well liked and accepted this idea was; especially since it was made on a whim! I promise to try my best to keep the laughs coming, but it won't always be shits and giggles.**

**There will be drama, there will be romance, there will be somber moments, and there will be hopefully epic battles! Just keep up with the story and you will hopefully be kept entertained by it all!**

**Please leave nice long reviews!**

**pain17ification**


	3. Chapter 3: C What I Can Do!

**Here we are with Chapter Three of **_**NaruToons**_**!**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

* * *

_NaruToons_

_Chapter Three: "C" What I Can Do!_

* * *

Whistling could be heard as the resident redhead of the Hidden Leaf sorted out some supplies that he had pulled out of a crate labeled _"ACME Jumbo Catapult"_. He set aside some lumber, some nuts and bolts, and a wrench that was as tall as he was while he unfolded a large blanket that was made entirely of thick leather.

"Alright, all the pieces are here," he muttered to himself as he looked through the blueprints. "Let's see… The longest piece of wood is meant to act as the arm while the others are meant to be the base."

_**"****And just what is my kit up to THIS time?" **_asked the Kyuubi, amusement in her tone.

_'Just the main part of my latest prank. You know how I always had a thing for painting, right kaa-chan?'_

_**"****Of course I know that, my tricky artist. Remember what I told you years before…"**_

_'The world is my canvas and I'm the brush,'_ he finished with a smile. _'I know, kaa-chan. Anyway, my latest work of art will leave this place being the biggest masterpiece of the Land of Fire!'_

He then made a platoon of clones and ordered them to get to work while his surrogate mother giggled in his head. Within the span of half an hour, a humongous catapult rested proudly before him with the arm wound back in a ready position. Grinning like a loon, Naruto had his clones all take their position within the leather sling of the catapult, all of them grinning just as wide as he was.

"Men!" began Naruto, now dressed in military garb fitting of a samurai general. "You'll be heading out into enemy territory with nothing more than your nerve, your wit, and the clothes on your back!" Saluting them, he finished, "It was my honor to serve with you all, and Godspeed!"

"SIR!" saluted the clones in return before Naruto pulled the lever and sent them all flying, never losing his salute as he watched them fly off.

A lone tear fell as he whispered, "Those were the finest men I could've ever made."

Sniffling could be heard and he turned to his left to see his sister dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Those poor boys," she choked out. "May the kami watch over them."

He turned back to where he had shot his clones, watching as they all transformed into trailing smoke clouds of various colors. "Let's see the results!" he suggested with a grin before on his head and used the **Body Flicker** to bring them to the top of the Hokage Monument. Once there, the duo saw that the smoke clouds had covered the entire village top, enshrouding it in a swirl of color before the smoke dispersed.

Once it was cleared, the two outcasts of the village grinned at the sight of the village resembling a massive painting. The painting was in the form of the Kyuubi sitting proudly with her tails curled into her while her eyes had the Uzumaki Swirls for pupils. On her forehead was a purple snake coiled in an infinity symbol.

"I call it _My Family_!" exclaimed Naruto as he stood facing his sister with his arms wide. "What do you think?"

Anko chuckled at the sight, nodding in appreciation. "Not bad, squirt. Not bad at all."

_**"****It looks lovely, kit,"**_ Kyuubi praised as she used her chakra to send a pleasant feeling to his brain. _**"I love how detailed you were with my fur."**_

_'I did my best, kaa-chan,'_ replied the boy happily. If he had a tail, it be wagging excitedly from the praise.

"Well, I think we've terrorized the populace enough for one day," stated the violette while stretching her arms upward. "You still have to meet up with your team for a mission."

"Think sensei will let us go for a C-Ranked Mission today?" asked the Jinchuriki in a hopeful tone.

"Maybe. Though with the amount of paperwork we've no doubt built up for the old man, I think he'd be happy to send you out, if only to get you out of his hair for a while." They began to walk down the mountain and to the training grounds as she talked. "Kurenai-chan and I both know that you're ready for that kind of mission, but I'm not too sure about the other munchkins on your squad."

"They're ready," stated Naruto, not a flicker of doubt in his tone. "We've been training together for about a month now. I know they're ready."

Anko smirked at his words. "That confident, are you?" He nodded and she ruffled his hair. "Alright squirt, I believe you. But still, make sure to keep an eye on them, kay?"

"Right!" agreed Naruto with a salute. They soon entered the training ground and saw Team 8 waiting for them.

Kurenai was tapping her foot and giving the duo a stern look, making them grin sheepishly at her. "I'd ask about it, but I'm not sure I want to know why you decided to literally paint the town."

"Because the world is my canvas?" suggested the whiskered Genin, making her eyes narrow. "Wrong answer?"

"What do you think?" she asked rhetorically before she led her team, and Anko, to the Hokage Tower.

Ino moved to walk next to her crazy teammate and nudged him. "I thought it was pretty cool. How'd you get the _entire_ village painted?"

"Clones, the **Transformation Jutsu**, and ridiculously oversized catapult that could make one think I was overcompensating for something," answered the redhead, making Anko snort.

"Which he isn't, by the way," she commented, making Ino flush red. Anko grinned at that, pulling out a kunai and licking it. "Thinking inside the gutter, blondie?" she asked in an overly sweet tone. "That's my cute little brother, y'know."

The Yamanaka heiress waved her hands frantically with a nervous sweat while Naruto snickered, Shino remained silent, and Kurenai rolled her eyes. The group then entered the tower and walked to the mission desk where the Hokage and a couple of Chunin, including Iruka, were stationed with handing out missions. Once the Kage took note of the two village loons, his brow twitched.

"Team 8," he greeted. He was a village leader, so he had to act the part no matter how much he wanted to scream his head off. "What will it be today? I have a list of D-Ranks that you could partake in."

"Actually sir," began the red eyed Jonin, "I believe that my team is now ready to take on a low C-Rank Mission. Preferably one that…gets their feet wet, sir."

The elderly man frowned slightly at that. When Genin "got their feet wet", it usually meant that they would be performing their first kills. The best way to do that for starting Genin teams was with a mission concerning bandit groups or low ranking missing ninja. Any other way would be too much for them.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, all thoughts of the impending storm of paperwork from Naruto's prank pushed to the back of his mind.

Kurenai nodded. "Yes, I do sir."

"Very well then," he said, pulling out a scroll. "This is a typical bandit extermination mission."

"E-Extermination?" squeaked out Ino, feeling anxious.

"Yes," answered Anko, losing all sense of playfulness. "These kind of missions are meant to help young Genin like yourself. It may seem cruel, but think of it this way. What if you came across this situation later on, with no experience whatsoever, and you froze? Tell me what you think would happen."

The kunoichi was silent, not wanting to say the answer. However, Shino answered, "We'd be open to an attack and would most likely be killed."

"Yes, you would," Anko stated. "This mission will help you get through the trauma of first kills."

"Ino," Kurenai said, getting her student's attention, "if you're not ready, then we can do this another time. There's no rush, and there never will be."

She bit her lip, fingers fiddling together as she thought it over. Looking over to her teammates, she saw Shino look back at her, but she couldn't tell what he was expressing because of his attire. As for Naruto, she saw him give her a smile. It was small, but it carried a tremendous amount of reassurance and support.

Slowly, she smiled back before turning to her sensei and nodding. "I'll do it now. I'm ready, Kurenai-sensei."

She gave a small smile at the determination in her student's eyes. "We'll take the mission, Hokage-sama."

"Very well then," he replied before giving them an overview of the mission and handing her the scroll.

* * *

"Do you understand the mission, Bee?" asked a dark skinned man with slicked back, pale blonde hair, a short mustache and goatee, and a figure that was nothing short of ripped.

Standing across from him was another dark skinned man that was also incredibly muscled, though not to the same degree as the first. He wore a standard Hidden Cloud Jonin, though he only wore the vest and had seven sheathed swords strapped to his back.

Behind this man were three Genin. Two were dark skinned, though the female hand frizzy red hair and fierce amber eyes while the male had short and spiky white hair and black eyes with a lollipop in his mouth. The last was a light skinned blonde with her hair cut short and straight while her eyes were an icy blue. What stood out to most, mainly because they were perverted men and jealous women, was her bust size which was already bordering a C-Cup.

These four were Killer Bee, Karui, Omoi, and Samui of the Hidden Cloud while the man they stood before was Ay, the Fourth Raikage of the Hidden Cloud.

"Yo bro, we got this for sho'!" rapped Bee, making Karui groan and face palm while Omoi sighed and Samui cracked the faintest of smirks.

Ay sighed at his brother's antics. "Just take care of it. Your Genin need to deal with their first kills and this is the best way. Besides, we've received reports that these bandit groups are converging into one united group."

"We got it bro, just like I said. Those bandits are as good as dead."

The Raikage nodded before he dismissed the team. The Hachibi Jinchuriki led his Genin through the gates and towards the Land of Hot Water. Based on reports they had gotten from scouts, various bandit groups had decided to ally themselves into one cohesive unit and take over the country, using it as one major base.

The problem there was that the Land of Hot Water did business with both the Hidden Cloud and the Hidden Leaf, so Killer Bee had little doubt that a Leaf team would be sent out as well. Relations between the two villages were still strained due to the failed kidnapping of the Hyuuga Clan heiress back when the Third Raikage was still in charge.

_'Yo Eight-O, how do you think this'll go?'_ asked the Jonin to his partner.

_**"****You'd be stupid not to expect a team from the Leaf. Just hope that they don't start anything, or that your team doesn't instigate a fight. Your brother is trying to repair relations with them after all,"**_ replied the Hachibi, Gyūki.

Bee nodded in agreement as he stopped leaping through the trees, making his team stop as well. "Listen up you three, for these are important words from me. We might run into some Leaf Ninja, but we will not injure."

"What do you mean, sensei?" asked Omoi as he shifted the lollipop in his mouth.

"Bro is trying to stop the hate between us, since we took the daughter of the Hyuuga's. So don't start any fights, or I'll be sure to work you through the longest nights," he rapped in response, though there was a serious edge to his tone.

The three nodded, prompting Bee to move them out once again. After some time, Samui's curiosity got the better of her. "Sensei, the Leaf has a Jinchuriki too, right?"

"Last I heard from bro, the Kyuubi was killed fourteen years ago. But I don't think that's how it went down, since that rumor makes Eight-O frown."

"Is it possible that we'll run into the Jinchuriki during this mission?" asked Karui with a raised brow. She was curious as well, and a part of her hoped that the Jinchuriki would offer her a good fight.

"We won't know for sho'," Bee answered. "We'll just have to see as we go, yo!"

The three Genin nodded as they followed their sensei through the country.

* * *

"Alright, we're nearing the border of the Land of Fire and Land of Hot Water," Kurenai called out as she led her team through one of the many forests in their home country. "We'll set up camp on our side of the border and do some recon when it gets dark."

Her team nodded, though Naruto had an excited grin on his face. "Sensei, I believe I may have a plan that could provide the most success," offered Shino.

"We'll discuss plans after we've set up camp," she replied as she leapt down from the trees and landed in a small clearing. "This should work for our camp. Naruto, go catch us some fish at the river we passed. Ino and I will set up the tents and Shino will get us some firewood."

Once the jobs were assigned, Team 8 went to work. It didn't take long to set up the two tents they had brought, and it was around half an hour later that both boys came back with their hauls. Since it was still a bit early in the afternoon, the team had some time to kill before it got dark enough and they enjoyed the fried trout that Naruto had caught for them.

As they ate, Shino offered his plan, "I believe that my beetles would provide undetectable scouts to recon the inner workings of the camp while the rest of us could survey the outer perimeters. Ino-san could also use her clan's signature jutsu to take over a member and map out the camp from the inside."

Kurenai hummed in thought. It was a sound plan, but she was apprehensive about sending Ino – even if it wasn't her body – into the metaphorical lion's den. Turning to her female student, she asked, "Think you're up for it, Ino?"

The Yamanaka heiress took a breath to gather her thoughts. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried, but I'm ready to do my part for the mission."

The Jonin nodded with a supportive smile, making Ino smile back. "Alright, we'll go with your plan, Shino. Once we have a general idea of the layout, along with important tents, we'll get to work taking them out. Naruto," she called, getting the redhead to look at her. "I'll be counting on you to run sabotage strikes on them. Create as mush chaos as you can to throw them off and keep them from regrouping."

"You got it, boss!" replied the Jinchuriki. "Those guys won't know what hit them!"

Unknown to them, they were being watched by a falcon that observed them with an intense gaze. Once it had heard enough, the falcon took off and flew across the large plain that was being occupied by dozens of tents and campsites. It then descended once it reached the other side, landing on an outstretched arm of a redheaded Cloud Genin.

"What'd you find out, Sora?" asked Karui as she walked back to her team's camp.

"Your sensei was right to suspect a team from the Leaf. It's a standard Genin team like yours with a kunoichi Jonin, a kunoichi Genin, and two male Genin," answered the falcon. "Based on their appearances, I'd say that you're dealing with an Aburame and a Yamanaka."

"What about the other two?" asked Omoi.

"The Jonin doesn't look to be from a clan, though she has strange red eyes and black hair. She _might_ be an Uchiha, but I doubt it since the rumors were that there are only two left; both male."

"And the last one?" queried Samui.

"A redheaded boy, but he seems to act more like a child than a Genin," answered Sora. "Although, the Jonin has tasked him to cause the most damage to the camp and keep them disorganized."

"A child he might seem to appear, but don't underestimate him, ya hear?" asked Bee to his Genin, making them nod.

"One last thing. They plan to do some recon during the darker hours and then strike once they've made a decent layout," informed the falcon before she disappeared in a plume of smoke.

"Alright then, yo. We'll strike when the Leaf does, for sho'!" rapped Bee, telling his team the battle plan. He then surprised them when he sat up straighter, looking at them seriously. "Understand that this mission is meat to see if you have what it takes to deal with the harsher aspects of the ninja lifestyle. You're expected to perform your first kills on this assignment."

The trio looked nervous at that, thinking over that was expected. The Jonin left them to their thoughts as he started to perform his own recon of the camp.

* * *

Naruto sighed as he sat cross-legged on a tree branch, watching his team perform recon and waiting for the signal. This was his job that Kurenai assigned at the last minute, but she had him go to the other side of the camp so that the whole team met on the same side.

"So bored," he muttered, resting his chin in his palms. "How much longer?"

_**"****Patience, my kit. They'll be back soon,"**_ reassured his mother figure. _**"Besides, one of your…cousins is here."**_

_'A cousin?'_ asked Naruto in surprise.

_**"****That's right. My brother Gyūki is here with his Jinchuriki. That would make the Jinchuriki your cousin of sorts."**_

_'Wow… Wait, isn't Uncle Gyūki from the Hidden Cloud like Aunty Matatabi?'_

_**"****Yes, he is. Be careful though, Naru-chan. The Leaf and the Cloud still aren't on the best of terms after that Hyuuga incident."**_

Mentally nodding, Naruto refocused on the camp. His slit pupils gave off a ghostly glow as he watched Kurenai and Shino make it to about halfway around the camp from both sides. Kurenai was carrying Ino's body on her back and had them covered in a genjutsu that his eyes easily saw through. As for Ino, she had taken over a random member of the camp, though she has put some white bandage tape underneath the man's right eye so that the others would know it was her.

"Only halfway," he sighed out. "I wish something exciting would happen soon."

"It's not cool to talk during a recon, you know," commented a female voice, making Naruto blink and look up, spotting a blonde Cloud Genin seated on a branch above his.

Shrugging, he replied, "I'm not really on recon. I'm just waiting for a signal before I can go nuts; which, by the way, is my specialty."

The grin he gave at the end made her smirk. While many saw Samui as an apathetic, if not cold, person, she actually enjoyed people who had their own unique quirks. While her sensei could be better, she honestly enjoyed how he could make a rap sound and look so entertaining. It was who he was, and she respected and liked that.

"So, what's a Cloud kunoichi doing here?" asked the redhead. "Are you guys trying to take these bandits out too?"

"That's the plan," answered Samui as she moved down to his branch, sitting next to him. It was a rookie mistake, being so close to a potential threat, but she sensed no ill will from the Genin next to her. "We had received reports a few days back saying that these groups were planning to take over this country and make it a base."

"Yea, the old man mentioned something about that. He said that it'd be bad since we receive imports from the country in exchange for some escorts and exports."

"Old man?" asked Samui.

"Yea, Old Man Hokage!" explained Naruto with a grin. "He's a cool guy, but he's really, _really_ old!"

She smirked at his words and how expressive he was. "But, he's not a Kage for nothing, right?"

The Uzumaki shrugged. "I guess, though he _did_ induct me in the loony bin." He ignored her looking at him with a raised brow as he continued, "He said he wanted me to take some time to calm down and even had some people try to talk to me about it. Problem was, they ended up renting a room of their own in that place."

"So…you're crazy?" she asked bluntly.

"Nope!" he answered. "I'm not crazy; I just don't give a darn!"

His grin and proud look broke through and she couldn't help but snicker. "You're a strange person…"

"Naruto Uzumaki," he supplied after her pause, offering her a hand to shake.

She took it with a small smile and shook it. "Samui," she introduced.

Naruto was about to ask her something, but a blinking green light caught his eye and he saw Kurenai holding a miniature light meant for signaling others. Sighing he stood up and rolled his neck. "Well, that's my cue to go. It was nice meeting you, Samui."

"It was cool meeting you too, Naruto," she returned as she watched him leap down and make his way over to his team. Smiling to herself, she commented, "He's a weird one."

* * *

"Okay, here's a basic layout of the camps," Kurenai said as she showed her team a map made from the combined efforts of herself, Shino, and Ino. She pointed to a large shape in the center and informed, "This is the conference tent. It's where the leaders of the different groups get together and discuss plans and supplies. At each cardinal end, there is a sentry tent keeping an eye outside of the camp. Though, they're not all that observant since they didn't spot us."

"That or they didn't have sufficient ninja training," supplied Shino, making Kurenai nod.

"True. Here," she pointed at a shape near the conference tent, "is there supply tent. It's where they hold their food and extra weapons. And right behind the conference tent-"

"-is the tent they call their _spoils_ tent," interrupted Ino with a disgusted look. "There were a few women tied up in there."

Kurenai frowned as well in disgust. Turning to Naruto, she saw him looking at the map seriously, not a trace of his naturally crazy self to be seen. "Naruto," he looked up at her, "avoid that tent. Anywhere else, go all out."

"Got it," he replied seriously as he stood up and walked away from the camp. His team followed him as he stepped out onto the plain, still hidden by the shadows of the surrounding forests. _'Kaa-chan,'_ he called out.

_**"****I know, kit,"**_ she answered, giving him some of her chakra.

"Let's show these bastards what a devil can do," he said before he gathered his chakra and spun in place.

* * *

_**"****Oh boy,"**_ Gyūki commented as he felt Kyuubi's chakra.

_'What's the issue, Eight-O?'_ asked Bee.

_**"****My sister is here. Turns out she survived and was sealed away; not killed."**_

_'The Kyuubi Jinchuriki? You serious, Gyūki?'_

_**"****See for yourself,"**_ the Hachibi said to his container.

Listening, the rapping Jinchuriki leapt up onto a high branch and saw a child-sized, red tornado of death tear through the camp, bringing chaos and disorder upon the bandits as they all tried to get organized. He also spotted a Leaf team entering the camp right after the tornado, though they were one short.

_'The tornado must be the Jinchuriki, yo,'_ he mused to himself before turning to his team. He saw that they were ready and nodded, giving them the go ahead to charge in. He himself stood back and watched with focused gaze, keeping an eye on his students.

With Naruto, he kept tearing through anything in his path, spinning around with clawed hands cutting the air around him. Kyuubi's chakra worked with him, making the air surrounding him razor sharp as he moved around like a spinning top of destruction. He had just torn through his eighth tent when he stopped moving and slowed his spin down.

When he stopped spinning, he took note of the tent Ino said held the women in it. With a frown, he stepped inside and took note of the six women looking to him in fear. It tore at him seeing that, seeing that these women were almost broken by these monsters who didn't deserve to be called human.

Slowly, he walked over to them, making sure to convey reassurance in his eyes. It helped, though not by much since the woman he stepped up to still shivered in fear. He knelt down next to her and untied her binds, shocking her by how much he made sure not to hurt her.

"There," he said after he freed her. "Go free the others. I'll make sure no one else comes in."

The woman nodded with tears in her eyes as she rushed over to the others, untying them as fast as she could. Once the others were freed, Naruto made ten clones that stood close to them.

"These guys will make sure you get out of here safely. Once you're out, run as fast as you can. They'll stay with you for as long as they can."

The women nodded and rushed out. The one that he freed, however, stayed back and hugged him tightly, tears still falling. "Thank you," she choked out before she followed the others.

He watched them run out with the clones guarding them, a frown in place. _'Kaa-chan…'_

_**"****Yes, Naruto?"**_

_'I never want to see that again. People shouldn't be so broken and afraid…'_

_**"****What will you do about it then? No matter what, there will always be someone being broken in the world."**_

_'Then I'll fix the world. I'll take all of the cruelty and give it back to those monsters tenfold. I promise.'_

Kyuubi smiled at her kit's words. _**"I know you will, my precious kit…"**_

* * *

Ino was shaking as she saw the pandemonium that her teammate had caused. Men were screaming in panic while others were trying to bark out orders. Kurenai had told them to split up so that they could make sure no bandits escape.

She gulped as she gripped her kunai and walked carefully through the camps. Nerves on high alert due to her anxiety, she was able to roll away when a man tried to grab her from the wreckage of one of the tents. He had a look of anger on his face, though there was also a cruel grin.

"Well well," he began, "look at what I've found. A little girl playing ninja."

She gulped again as she held her kunai in front of her. "I-I'm not playing! I am a ninja and I won't let you leave!"

"Is that right?" he asked. "Well then, by all means stop me." He then pulled out a cleaver knife that was stained with blood like one in a butcher's shop. "I'll try not to cut you too bad. After all, I'm sure I can have some fun with you."

"Don't touch me!" Ino shrieked as she threw her kunai and then reached into her pouch and threw five shuriken. She was growing scared and the fear rose when she saw him bat away her kunai and then duck behind a crate to avoid her shuriken.

"Oh? Is the little ninja scared of me?" he asked cruelly, making her back away. "That's good… You should be, little girl. After all, the things that would happen to you…"

The way he trailed off left Ino shaking in place. The man smirked at this and readied his cleaver before he rushed at her. All the why, Ino was frozen in fear as he drew nearer. Her nerves screamed at her to move, but she couldn't. This man, this _monster_, terrified her and he kept getting closer.

"Move, dammit!" yelled another girl's voice, shaking Ino from her frozen state just in time to raise another kunai in front of her on instinct.

A sudden squelch was heard alongside the sound of someone choking on their own blood. The Yamanaka heiress forced her eyes open slightly before they widened in horror at the sight of the man stabbed by her own knife directly in the center of his chest. The man choked out something, but all it did was make him spit out a little blood that landed on Ino's cheek.

Slowly, the man fell to the side and Ino let go of her weapon before falling to her knees, tears falling and eyes frozen in a state of fear and horror. She never noticed a redheaded girl landing next to her and helping her up, a sword in her hand that had blood on the blade.

"Let's go," Karui said softly as she led Ino away from the camps. She herself couldn't stand the sight of so many dead bodies.

* * *

Shino was panting as he crouched behind a stack of crates. He had just taken down another bandit with his beetles, and the sight of the body having been drained of all life was taking its toll on him.

This mission was much more than he thought it would be. He had believed that he was ready for something like this, but he had overestimated his own fortitude. He knew that this was the mission, but he didn't want to take another life. It was too much for him.

"Hey, I found one of them!" called out one of the baqndits, making Shino turn to see that he had been spotted and was now cornered by five more bandits. "Let's take him out, quick!"

The Aburame heir swallowed in worry as he forced himself to stand. Just as he was about to send out his beetles once more, someone landed behind the bandits. The newcomer had white hair and wore a Hidden Cloud uniform as he flew through handseals.

"**Lightning Style: Electromagnetic Murder**!" Omoi called out as he released his jutsu, cringing at the sight of the lightning striking the bandits and highlighting their own skeletons with the shocks. Within seconds, the men dropped and didn't move, making him sigh tiredly. "I can't take this anymore," he muttered before he turned to Shino. "You alright?"

The Aburame nodded. "Yes, thank you for your help. I don't think I could've taken them in my current state."

Omoi nodded and turned to the rest of the wrecked camps. "I barely had that left in me, to be honest." He sighed again as he walked over to Shino. "We should get moving before more find us. I'm spent and I don't want to run into anyone else. There's no telling what they'd do to us."

"Agreed," replied Shino as he followed the Cloud Genin.

* * *

"**Wind Style: Gale Sword**!" Samui cried as she swung her sword, sending out a wave of razor sharp wind that cut into two bandits in front of her. The men cried out in agony as they dropped, trying desperately to cover their wounds.

The kunoichi was panting hard as she used her sword to help her stay standing. There were still four more of them surrounding her on all sides. "She's spent, boys! Let's take her down and show her just what she got herself into!"

"Yea! You see those tits?!" gleefully called out one of them. "Imagine how big they'll be later on!"

She glared at them with her icy eyes, forcing herself to stand with her sword at the ready. "You won't…touch me," she panted out.

The men just chuckled at her defiance as they moved forward. However…

"**Ninja Art: ACME Bomber**!" called out a familiar voice, making Samui look up to see Naruto in the air above her.

He glared at the men and thrusted his arms down at them. On his wrists were four firecrackers that were lit and shot toward the ground. They flew in erratic motions before they landed next to each of the bandits, detonating with the force of two Bomb Tags each. The last thing they heard was the men screaming before the explosions drowned them out.

Seeing that the threat was gone, Samui dropped to her knees and released a breath of relief while Naruto landed next to her. "You okay, Samui?" he asked in concern.

She smiled at him as she tried to catch her breath. "Yea… I'm cool," she answered. "Thanks for the save."

He smiled back. "Anytime." He then knelt beside her, bringing one of her arms over his shoulders as he helped her stand. "We should go. My teacher and some guy with a bunch of swords are taking care of the others."

"That'd be my sensei, Killer Bee," supplied Samui as she walked out with Naruto. "He could've taken these guys out on his own if he wanted to."

"Not surprising since he holds the Hachibi." She looked to him in slight surprise, making him chuckle. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Besides, I hold Kyuubi and she's made sure to look out for me. She even told me about Gyūki being in the area."

"The Kyuubi is female?" asked Samui in surprise before a sense of feminine pride welled up inside her. The strongest of the nine Bijuu was female. "Cool…"

He chuckled again. "She's glad you feel that way. Anyway, I'm just glad that this is all over. I couldn't stand being in that place after I saw what they were doing."

She frowned at his words, nodding in agreement. "Yes… Let's just be glad that they'll be taken care of by morning."

* * *

The next morning, both teams stood across from one another with their packs readied for their return trips. "Thanks again for your assistance," Kurenai said to Killer Bee. "Your Genin really pulled mine out of the fire; both literally and figuratively."

Bee grinned at her and rapped, "It was no problem, yo! We were happy to help, for sho'!"

Karui and Omoi groaned at their sensei's rapping while Kurenai sweatdropped and Naruto grinned. Samui saw the grin and smirked as the Leaf Jinchuriki replied, "You rap pretty good, big guy! You think we'll catch you on the flip side?"

Bee laughed at Naruto's rap. "Maybe you will, little man. The Chunin Exams are our next big plan."

Kurenai perked up at this. "That's right, and the Leaf is hosting them this year."

"Then you'll see us there," Bee rapped. "Just try not to be a square. Catch you later, bro! Me and my team, we got to go!"

With that, the Cloud Jonin took off. Karui and Omoi gave the Leaf team farewell nods and followed after him while Samui stayed back. She gave Naruto a smile that made him blush slightly since it was beautiful, even if it was small. "See you around, Naruto. I hope to see more cool stuff from you next time."

He grinned at her and gave her a thumbs-up. "You bet!"

She then took off after her team while Team 8 turned around and made their way back home. As they left, the failed to notice a man slowly come out of the ground with what could only be described as a large venus flytrap around his head.

_"Well that was interesting to watch,"_ noted a male voice.

**"Two Jinchuriki have been identified,"** added a second one, but it came from the same man. **"We should inform Leader."**

_"Sounds like a plan,"_ replied the first voice as the man sunk back into the ground.

* * *

**Woohoo! Chapter Three is now done!**

**By the way, this update has been made to let you guys know that I have finally found a job! I go in for training next week and after 90 days, I'll be a full time employee!**

**For those of you wondering why I'm letting you all know this, my plan was to stop ALL updates until I found a job! So, be glad I found one!**

**On a story related note, the poll is over and **_**Jak and Daxter**_** won! So, be on the lookout for that crossover story! However, that is only one of THREE new posts I will try to have up soon! The second is another **_**Fullmetal Alchemist**_** crossover while the third will be a repost of a story I had once taken down!**

**You're all free to guess what story will be making a return to this site! But, please don't guess in your reviews!**

**Until next time!**

**pain17ification**


	4. Chapter 4: Tests? I Hate Tests!

**Here we are with Chapter Three of **_**NaruToons**_**!**

**I'm adding a few **_**Bleach**_** characters into this, just so you guys know. It won't be many; at most, four or five.**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

* * *

_NaruToons_

_Chapter Four: Tests?! I Hate Tests!_

* * *

"You all understand why you're here now, correct?" the Hokage asked the assembled Jonin before him.

"I'm assuming it's the Chunin Exams, sir?" asked a Jonin by the name of Gekko Hayate, coughing into his hand for a brief moment.

Nodding, the aged leader of the Hidden Leaf said, "That's correct. And this one will be one to remember since we're getting accepted invitations from both the Hidden Cloud and the Hidden Stone, along with a single team from the newly formed Hidden Sound."

That got the attention of many Jonin since it was no secret that tensions were quite high between their village and both Cloud and Stone. Kakashi, who was surprisingly on time for once, even lowered his infamous orange book to pay closer attention. "I take it that you want some specific Genin to participate?" deduced the silver haired man.

"Nothing gets past you, considering your track record," praised Sarutobi. "Yes, the Council, Clan Heads, and I have all agreed that the newest batch of rookies from the Clans should participate in these coming exams to show off their potential."

Kurenai frowned at this. "Are you sure about this, sir? They don't have much experience out in the field, even if they have done a C-Rank or two."

Anko snorted at that. "I hate to disagree with your call and that of the Clan Leaders, but she's right old man. The only Genin who have the best chance would be Gai's team, that Uchiha kid thanks to his earlier training, and the gaki."

Questioning murmurs filled the room, many people wondering who the "gaki" was while a select few smirked at the identity. Anko though grinned at the shudder Kakashi had and the bead of sweat that went down the side of his head.

Asuma took this moment to throw in his own comment. "I'm not so sure about my team either, pop. I have two of the three clan members needed for one of the best combination teams, and the kunoichi that I have is… Well, she's not exactly motivated."

"I thought I had made it clear that I didn't want to reuse that team combination?" replied the Hokage. "It has been used so many times that the other villages have come to expect it from us. We need to surprise them with something new and unexpected." He regarded the other sensei and continued, "How confident are you in your teams?"

Gai gave his ever famous "Nice Guy" grin as he answered, "Yosh, I have absolute confidence in the youth of my team, Hokage-sama!"

Asuma then answered, "Not very confident. If I was pressed by the Clan Heads and Council, I'd keep them out of it like Gai did at first."

"I'm fairly confident," Kakashi spoke up. "All of my students have good base training, and I was able to teach them how to work together in, at the very least, tense situations. Plus, Kiba is helping Hinata with her confidence issues and she's finally starting to crack open the shell she made."

"Enough to participate without much issue?" pressed the village leader.

"Enough to give it a real effort," clarified the ex-ANBU.

Kurenai frowned at this, still holding a soft spot for the young kunoichi she had practically helped raise. When all eyes turned to her, she sighed and answered, "I'm very confident in my team; and not just because of Naruto. The last C-Ranked Mission we went on really opened the eyes of both Shino and Ino. When we returned, they really stepped up their training and their parents have even told me that they've begun to learn advanced clan jutsu. As for Naruto," at this, she just gave them all a look, "do I really have to give any reasons to vouch for him?"

"I'd like to think so," voiced Genma, chewing on a senbon needle like usual.

Sarutobi was the one who answered. "This information is not to leave this room; is that clear?" Once he got nods from everyone, along with a grin from Anko and a smile from Kurenai, he continued, "Years ago, Naruto had a mental break because of his status as our village's Jinchuriki. From what I and a few of our psychiatrists were able to get from him, he had actually tried to get the Kyuubi to kill him to end it all." Many of the assembled Jonin were shocked at the news, and three people (Anko, Kakashi, and Kurenai) looked somber. "Instead, she – yes, the Kyuubi is female – broke him mentally, resulting in him forgetting practically everything that had once pushed him to that edge."

"But why allow someone who is legally insane to become a Genin?" asked a female Jonin in confusion. "Shouldn't we try and help the kid?"

"Trust me, we did," assured the Hokage. "We sent him to the village's asylum and had many doctors try to restore what had been done. However, while we did, we discovered a…side effect of the mental break."

"Side effect?" Asuma queried.

"Yes, you see while she broke him mentally, she also pushed more of her chakra into his system and to his brain. Because of the excess chakra, and his incredible healing due to his Uzumaki genes, Naruto is able to perform acts and feats that can defy laws of nature. He hasn't shown much, but what we've witnessed is his ability to alter his own form and the surrounding environment to his whim, and these antics even put one of our own psychiatrists in the asylum with his own room."

"His altered youth did _that_ much?" asked Gai in shock, still using his regular style of speaking.

"Unfortunately, yes. But, while he is mentally insane and unstable, he has still improved as a shinobi, in no small thanks to the Kyuubi herself teaching him. If I had to give an estimation, he could easily take on a Chunin, and even give a Jonin some trouble," finished Sarutobi.

The room was silent for a moment, taking all of the information in while Anko stepped forward. "Sir, what about his sessions with Dr. Unohana? I thought she was able to get through to him to some degree?"

"That is true, but she can only do so much. Although, she's currently in a session with him right now."

* * *

"What's up, Doc?" asked Naruto with a bright smile as he entered the office of his psychiatrist.

Said doctor was a woman who looked to be in her late twenties. She had calming blue eyes and beautiful black hair that was held in a braid in front of her. She wore a black kimono that had a violet obi and a white doctor's coat over it.

She smiled to him softly as he took his regular place on the couch in her office. "Hello again, Naruto-kun. How are you today?" she asked as she started a tape recorder for their session and pulled out her notepad.

"I'm great! Ever since we came back from our first C-Ranked Mission, my teammates have been working real hard, y'know!" he answered, grinning brightly. "They really want to get better at this ninja thing!"

She chuckled at his enthusiasm. "I'm glad to hear that. But, how are _you_ after that mission? From what I was told, you actually killed some of those bandits. Are you alright after doing something like that?"

_**"****Of course my kit's alright!"**_ roared the Kyuubi from within Naruto. She never liked Unohana and how she tried to get so close to _her_ kit.

"I think so," he answered truthfully, laying down on the couch as she rolled her chair around her desk to sit closer to him. "They were doing terrible things, Doc… I had to stop them, y'know."

"Tell me what they were doing that was so terrible, Naruto-kun," she gently pressed.

"They had these girls all tied up in this tent…and they were so scared and broken…like those other docs said I was."

She frowned slightly, grabbing his hand to reassure him. "Naruto-kun, you are _not_ broken. You have a great being sealed within you, and it-"

"She," corrected Naruto. "She is sealed inside me and she helped raise me…like a mother would."

Unohana nodded at that. "Alright, but those other doctors didn't fully understand the link between you and your mother. So, they thought that you were broken, when you're far from it. If anything, you're just a bit lost, Naruto-kun."

"Lost?"

"Yes, you don't really know what to do with your life right now, so you're lost in a sense. Am I correct?"

"I…think so," he answered, feeling a bit unsure. "I always thought I'd like being a ninja, but I'm not so sure anymore, y'know."

"If not be a ninja, then what do you want to do?" she continued, still holding his hand for reassurance.

"I just…want to make people laugh and not be so sad… Those girls I helped save… They were terrified of me when I came to free them." He frowned and continued, "I hated those looks. I don't want to see people being scared all of the time when they can smile and laugh and…"

"…be happy?" deduced the woman with a gentle smile, earning a nod from him. "You want to help people, Naruto-kun, and that in itself is a wonderful endeavor to try and achieve. In a way, you're doing what I do as a doctor; helping people get through their difficult times and look to a brighter future."

"So…I should be a doctor?" he asked in confusion, earning a giggle from her.

"Not exactly. Keep being a ninja, Naruto-kun, and then you can try and help anyone you meet while you're out seeing the world." She let go of his hand and rubbed his head in a motherly manner that made Kyuubi growl. "Keep being yourself so that you can make others smile and be happy. What your mother has given you is a gift," that made Kyuubi pause in her growling, "and I think you were meant to use that gift to help everyone."

"You think I can?" he asked with a smile, happy to have someone believe in him.

Her smile grew as she nodded. "I know you can. Now, was there anything else?"

To her surprise, he actually looked embarrassed about the next topic and had a blush on his face. "Well…there was this girl…"

"Ara," giggled Unohana, making his blush grow. "Has a young woman finally caught the eye of our resident prank master?"

"Doc!" whined the redhead, making her giggling increase into laughter.

Meanwhile, Kyuubi had her eye on the doctor and frowned. While she, grudgingly, appreciated that she was trying to help her kit, she still didn't like other people try to get close to him. But still, the people who _were_ trying actually cared for Naruto and she felt conflicted. To her, Naruto was like her child – hence why she made sure to have him call her "kaa-chan" – and like most mothers, she was apprehensive about letting go of her _child_.

Call her possessive, but she was mainly worried that someone would hurt her kit and finally make that final break that makes his fragile mind snap. What she did helped him, but it also placed him at incredible risk and it made her feel responsible for him; much like Hagoromo was responsible for her and her eight siblings.

But, she knew that the people getting close to Naruto – from his team and _sister_ to the woman doctor currently teasing him – actually supported and cared for him. So, she'd let them bond with her kit, but that didn't mean she wouldn't keep an eye on them; especially now that it seemed like her kit was getting his first crush.

* * *

Kurenai sighed as she made her way to her team's training field. With confidence, she had nominated her team to participate; but it didn't really matter since the Hokage had practically ordered the nominations of the other rookie teams that had clan children in them.

She was worried mainly for Hinata, having come to see the girl as a pseudo daughter – which resulted in her not having the Hyuuga girl on her team. She knew Kakashi was a great shinobi, but wasn't all that confident in his abilities as a _teacher_. Not to mention Asuma's team that had, to put it bluntly, a fangirl in it.

But the order was given, and she had to tell her team the news of their nomination. She was hoping to enter the field to see them waiting for her, but instead she came to the sight of something else.

Her redheaded student had nearly a dozen clones in the middle of constructing the frame for what she deduced was a large carousal. Meanwhile, two others – one of which she assumed was the original – were looking over blueprints and other papers. While this was going on, Ino and Shino were off to the side doing their own work with a flower and insect respectively.

Clearing her throat, she got everyone's attention and the original Naruto turned to his _brothers_ and said, "Keep at it, boys!"

Once she had her students in front of her, she handed them some forms and explained, "These are entry forms for the Chunin Exams next week. Understand that it isn't mandatory and you don't need to participate if you don't wish to. I just felt you three were ready to be nominated for entry."

She watched as the three of them looked over the forms and wasn't surprised when Naruto signed his almost immediately. "I'll give it a shot, sensei."

"Same here," Ino agreed as she too signed her form. "Ever since we became a team, I feel like I've gotten a lot better than where I was after graduating the Academy. I want to see how far I've come."

"As do I, and this seems like the best choice. Why? Because we have the chance to display our skills to both our village and other villages," stated Shino as he filled out his own form.

Once all three were filled, Kurenai took the forms and smiled at her team. "I'm proud of you three and how much you've taken what I have been able to teach you. You all have this week to make your preparations, so use it wisely. Shino, Ino, talk to your parents to see if they can keep training you in your clan jutsu, and don't be afraid to ask me for any help." They nodded and she turned to her last student. "Naruto, if you need anything then ask me to help you. Anko will be unavailable since she's been requested to be one of the exam proctors."

The teenage Uzumaki nodded with a bright grin. "I got it, sensei. I can't wait to show the other villages what this loon is capable of!"

Kurenai and her other two students smiled at the Jinchuriki's enthusiasm. "Good luck in your preparations. I'll see you if you need me," bid the Jonin before she left in a swirl of petals.

"Well, I better go talk to daddy," Ino said as she began to leave. "I'll see you two at the end of the week!"

The two boys bid her goodbye and Shino turned to his fellow teammate. "I should leave too. Why? Because father said that he was ready to continue my clan training."

"Better bring your a-game, Bugsy!" called out Naruto as the Aburame left the field. He then went back to assisting his clones on his project, all the while never losing his smile.

* * *

It was the night before the Chunin Exams. Over the week, hundreds of people came into the village with many of them being teams and dignitaries from the other villages. The shinobi of the Leaf were diligent in being good hosts and keeping the peace so that no unnecessary fights or disputes happened.

But the resident Jinchuriki of the Leaf didn't care about any of that since he was having a pleasant discussion with the new assistant of Doctor Unohana. The assistant was a beautiful young woman a little older than Naruto who had straight orange hair and innocent brown eyes. She had a well-developed figure with nice curves and no blemishes. Like her mentor, she was dressed in a black kimono, but her obi was a sky blue and she wore no coat over it.

"And to this day, I can't go to the Hokage Mountain without an ANBU watching me in case I do something _unethical_," said the redhead, finishing his story while the assistant giggled.

"That sounds like you had a great time, Uzumaki-kun," she said. "But I asked if you could take me to Unohana-senpai's office."

He blinked before laughing sheepishly. "Oops! I got sidetracked with my story. I'll take you right now, uh…"

She smiled and gave him a small bow in greeting. "My name is Orihime Inoue, Uzumaki-kun."

"Right! But do me a favor and just call me Naruto. I hate formalities, y'know."

She nodded as he led her to the office, walking in to the doctor going over some files. She looked up and smiled at her new arrivals. "Hello Naruto-kun. And I'm guessing you're Inoue-san. Welcome to my office, and I look forward to teaching you."

Orihime bowed in respect. "I'm excited to learn from you, Unohana-senpai. I'll do my best no to disappoint."

Naruto scoffed at that, earning their attention. "You won't disappoint her, Inoue-chan! You're a great listener and you've got a really nice personality!" The poor young woman blushed at the praise of the teen. "You'll do great! Anyway, I gotta go! Good seeing you, Doc!"

He then walked out chewing on a carrot, which Orihime swore he didn't have on hand before. But what really made her gape and almost give into to her instinctive cuddle side was the fluffy, red cottontail that twitched as the Uzumaki left.

"…k-kawaii…" she whispered, barely resisting the urge to glomp him while Unohana chuckled.

* * *

Whistling as he walked down the street, Naruto – without the carrot and cottontail – made his way through the crowded nightlife, heading for the apartment he shared with his sister. His mind was occupied with new ways to entertain people as he walked, and the chibi Naruto team that was made during his Genin Test was reassembled to sort through the ideas; one of them once again being sent to the corner with a dunce cap.

He was so into his thoughts that he didn't hear someone calling to him. It took them grabbing onto his shoulder to break him from his thoughts and see that it was Samui.

"It's not cool to ignore people, Naruto-san," she admonished, crossing her arms to show her annoyance.

"Oh! I'm sorry about that!" he apologized, bashfully rubbing his head. "I was lost in thought, y'know." He then grinned at her. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday. I wanted to try and find you, but Bee-sensei said it wouldn't be cool to go wandering around alone." She pointed back to the sweets store that her teammates were standing in front of to show she listened to her teacher. "I'm glad I saw you before the exams started. Is your team participating?"

"You gotta ask?" he replied rhetorically, making her smirk.

"Cool. I hope we both go pretty far in them. Also, I can't wait to see what cool tricks you will use on the competition."

His grin grew as he pulled out a small scroll and handed it to her. "If you're really interested, I made a copy of some of my blueprints in case I misplaced my originals. Go ahead and take a look!"

Her smirk remained at his eagerness and she rolled open the scroll, looking over some of his plans. One in particular got her attention. "A carousal? Like the ones from fairs?"

"Yep! I'm gonna have some fun with that one," he replied, leaning forward to balance on a black cane he pulled out of nowhere.

She knew he was giving her a hint and she hummed in thought at what it could be. "I guess I'll have to keep a look out for it, then. It sounds like it'll be cool, though."

"If it makes you laugh, then it'll be ice cold," he joked, making her roll her eyes at its corniness.

She heard Karui calling for her and sighed in disappointment. "Not cool… I gotta go." She then handed him back his scroll, but he grabbed her free hand and had it wrap around the scroll.

"Keep it. I still have the originals, and I want to see if you can guess what I'm gonna do," he said with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

With that, he ran off, missing her blush at how gentle his hands were when they grabbed hers. Her smirk grew into a faint smile and she held the scroll a bit tighter. "Yea… See you tomorrow…"

* * *

The next morning found Naruto and his team standing in a room filled with various Genin from different villages along with a few teams from his home village. He paid them no mind as he looked over his notebook that had all of his pranking plans in them.

"Anyone interesting, Bugsy?" asked the Uzumaki to Shino.

"A few people have higher than average chakra levels, but one in particular is the Sand Genin that has that large gourd on his back. My insects say something's off about him."

"Oh?" Naruto asked as he lowered his notebook and eyed his fellow redhead.

_**"****So, my stupid little brother is here,"**_ noted Kyuubi.

_'Brother?'_

_**"That would be your uncle, Shukaku. Be careful though, my kit, for he's crazier than you."**_

_'But I thought crazy was a good thing?'_

_**"Not HIS version of crazy,"**_ she replied, cutting the connection between them when she noticed that Cloud girl once again coming over to talk to Naruto. _**'Break his heart, girl, and I'll use you for a toothpick,'**_ she mentally threatened, even though no one heard her.

Samui tensed as she approached Naruto, feeling a shudder go down her spine for some inexplicable reason. _'What was that?'_

"Samui-chan!" greeted Naruto happily, breaking her from her thoughts in exchange for a raised brow at the suffix used with her name.

_'Are we already that close?'_ she mused mentally before she returned his smile with her usual smirk. "Naruto-san," she greeted in kind. "Are you nervous?"

"Nah, I'm confident in my abilities. How about you? Feeling cool," she blinked when she saw a frost cloud come out of his mouth, "about today?"

She blinked again before shaking her head in amusement. "I'm feeling cool."

They would've said more, but Ibiki Morino, Head of the village's I.T. Department, came in with about a dozen Chunin proctors and had the Genin all take seats. Naruto found himself sitting next to a Hidden Sound kunoichi that had really long black hair and a Hidden Stone kunoichi that had interesting pink eyes.

The first test was presented as a written exam, and they had three chances before they were cut from the test. Naruto's chibi debate team argued as the rules were said before the one in the dunce cap corner spoke up. "It's a test to see how well we cheat!"

All of his brothers froze at the deduction, going over the rules once more before they all looked to the _dunce_ brother in shock. Then, as one they all pulled out their own dunce caps and sat in their own corners while the original dunce brother sat at the head of the debate table with a grin.

Once Naruto figured out what the test was, he grinned and had his chakra create a massive explosion of smoke. Once it was cleared, the Genin, Chunin, and Ibiki all took note of three individuals at the front of the room.

On the left was an anthropomorphic black duck with orange fins and beak and a white line around the collar. On the right was an anthropomorphic gray rabbit with white fur on its stomach, feet, and mouth area along with white gloves. In the center was a short, bald man in tan clothes, dark brown boots, a tan and red hat, and a strange weapon in his hands. (1)

Samui blinked at the scene before fighting a laugh at seeing something like this in the notes Naruto gave her. Naruto himself used the distraction to take the paper of the Genin in front of him while no one was looking; even though Ibiki knew something _this_ strange could only have been made by the Uzumaki.

"Shoot the rabbit!" yelled the duck with a notable lisp. "It's Rabbit Season!"

"Duck Season," shot back the rabbit, and the obvious hunter then looked to the duck.

"Rabbit Season!"

"Duck Season."

"Rabbit Season!"

The rabbit twitched his brows upward twice, showing he had a plan as he said, "Rabbit Season."

"Duck Season!" shouted the duck, unaware he had been duped.

"Rabbit Season."

The duck had had enough and said, with finality, "I say it's Duck Season, and I say fire!"

The hunter looked to everyone else in confusion before he aimed his weapon at the duck, who stuck his tongue out at the rabbit. The following was the sound of a BANG, followed by a spark, a blast of fiery gunpowder, and then the duck's head being revealed from the resulting smoke with his beak somehow on the back of his head.

With a bland look, he moved the beak back into place on the front of his face, stepped up into the rabbit's face, and then said calmly with his lisp, "You're despicable."

After that line, all three vanished in three plumes of smoke and many Genin were struggling not to laugh or giggle at the simple trick used on the duck. Ibiki then looked at the clock and revealed the start of the final question. Along with the reveal was an extra rule saying that if a Genin refused to take the question they and their team forfeit from the exams. However, if they take it and get it incorrect, then they can _never_ promote to Chunin.

Naruto rolled his eyes at that and leaned back in his chair, getting raised brows from the two kunoichi on either side of him. The Sound one was confused while the Stone one perked up in realization and smirked before copying the Uzumaki and leaning back in her chair.

Samui and her team realized the trick quickly, even though Omoi had a conspiracy theory running through his mind, and sat calmly. Many teams gave into the pressure, however, and quit. After letting the Genin suffer in their paranoia for a good five minutes, Ibiki revealed that they had passed and that the final question represented a kind of choice they might have to make as Chunin on missions.

Before he could answer any questions, Naruto grinned and shot up before leaping over to the front of the room just as a bundle crashed in through the window and unfurled to present Anko in all her glory. The bundle wound up being a banner that read "The Second Exam Proctor, Anko Mitarashi", but Naruto added a sticky note that said "And her looney younger brother, Naruto Uzumaki".

She stood with a predatory grin and arms crossed while he sat perfectly balanced on his black cane and grinned as well; though his was more along the lines of giddy than predatory.

"Alright you maggots," began the Special Jonin, completely aware of the fact her brother was also in her spotlight, "there's no time for celebration! Now move your asses and follow me to the next Exam!"

The Genin, Chunin, and Ibiki all sweatdropped at the duo while Kyuubi snickered, Samui smirked, and Naruto's teammates were unfazed since they had grown used to the loon's antics.

* * *

**1~ If you don't know who these three are, and yet you chose to read this…** **then shame on you (-_-)**

**And there's the next chapter for you! Like I said earlier, I'm adding about four or five **_**Bleach**_** characters and you saw two of them in this chapter!**

**How was it? Was it funny, or was it kinda stale? I want your honest opinion so that way I can improve on the comedic factor, people! Also, I might need a bit of help on the romance as well…**

**Here's my issue: should I keep it as Samui and Konan as the two women for Naruto, or should I switch Konan for a different girl (Kin, Kurotsuchi, or Shizuka)? I'll let you guys and gals decide!**

**One other thing: I'm thinking of doing a _Hobbit_ crossover and pairing Naruto with Tauriel. Thoughts? Concerns? Let me know!**

**One last thing: please check out my profile page for a url address! Just Copy/Paste it to your url search and check it out, please! My friend would like your support!**

**Later!**

**pain17ification**


	5. Chapter 5: Preliminary Shenanigans

**I'M NOT DEAD, EVERYONE! WOOHOO!**

**_*sheepish smile and head scratch*_ Yeah, sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. A lot of things have kept me distracted as of late. But, here I am with an update; and it's for my looniest story! ^_^**

**Now, last chapter I asked you all for your opinions on whether or not I should keep Konan or switch her for Kurotsuchi, Kin, or Shizuka. A lot of you threw out votes and opinions, and I've made my decision: Konan will be replaced with one of those three girls.**

**As for who her replacement is, it will be revealed in this chapter! It should be obvious near the end, so pay attention!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

* * *

_NaruToons_

_Chapter Five: Preliminary Shenanigans_

* * *

"Alright brats," began Anko to the remaining teams. "Listen up! Here are the rules for these preliminary matches!"

As soon as she said that, the remaining 27 Genin looked around in absolute confusion. "Wait, weren't we supposed to go through some creepy forest?" Ino asked out loud.

"Yeah," Kiba agreed. "What gives?!"

Shino frowned behind his dark glasses while his hive even buzzed in confusion. "Strange… I can't seem to recall anything after Mitarashi-san presented us the outer gates of the Forest of Death. My hive can't recall anything as well."

More murmurs were heard before Naruto raised his hand. "Question!" he exclaimed, making Anko nod for him to continue. "Am I in trouble for using the _Timeskip Jutsu_ to skip your playground?"

"Say what now?" queried Karui while scratching her head.

"What the hell is the _Timeskip Jutsu_?" Kankuro from the Sand Village continued.

"It's a technique used to skip through boring, unimportant, or overused events in our lives. For example, there've gotta be HUNDREDS of these stories where they show us Genin going through the Forest of Death. And to be honest, it's getting real repetitive and they all end the same way." He started listing with fingers raised in a count, "Orochimaru sneaks in and goes after Sasuke."

Said Uchiha suddenly twitched and rubbed his neck, thoroughly confused as to why he had a new mark there while Naruto lifted a second finger.

"Many side character Genin are dropped because they were of no value or importance to the story."

All the failed Genin suddenly felt like their lives didn't matter.

"And there's always too many Genin to pass, so we're forced to participate in preliminaries."

Everyone blinked and turned to Anko who nodded in confirmation. "He's right; there's way too many of you munchkins left."

"So, I decided to give the Readers a break from going through the Forest Arc for the umpteenth time," concluded the Uzumaki with crossed arms and a firm nod.

_**"****You're so considerate, my kit,"**_ praised Kyuubi, pleased with the teen.

"Wait, what Readers?" Ino asked before Naruto patted her head.

"Some things are better left unknown to you, Ino-chan. Trust me." He then turned to you Readers and winked. "It's just for us."

"Anyway," Anko cut in, moving things along, "is there anyone who feels like they won't be able to continue? My playground can be pretty brutal, after all."

As if by magic, all of the Genin, save for Naruto and Gaara, suddenly found themselves feeling weakened by various degrees. They also saw bruises, scrapes, and other injuries they were positive weren't on their bodies before.

_Wow… I can't believe you just did my job… The hell man?!_

_'Things needed to get moved along! Sue me!'_ Naruto replied heatedly.

_Maybe I will, Whisker Boy!_

Shikamaru saw that Naruto was lost in thought and was left unaware of three Genin calling it quits; two from the Nadeshiko Village and one from the Hidden Stone. This left a total of 24 Genin remaining: Teams 7, 8, 9, and 10 from the Leaf, the Hidden Sand team, the Hidden Sound team, Team Bee from the Hidden Cloud, two Genin from the Hidden Stone, and a single Nadeshiko kunoichi.

"Okay, the matches will be chosen randomly by that screen behind me," continued Anko, jabbing her thumb towards said screen. "The first match will be between…Shino Aburame against Tenten Higurashi, both from the Hidden Leaf. The two of you stay while the rest of you lot head up to the viewing balconies."

The Genin complied, all meeting up with their respective sensei who congratulated them on making it up to this point. Meanwhile, Naruto sat on the railing, kicking his legs carelessly as he watched his teammate square off against the weapon enthusiast of a kunoichi.

Ino took this time to ask, "Sensei, what do you think his chances are?"

"I can't say," she honestly answered. "I don't know how Guy trained his team. All I do know is that he held them all back a full year before letting them take these exams; so they have that much more time for training under their belts."

"Bugsy's got this," Naruto assured them as he fiddled with some assembled parts next to a broken jack-in-the-box. "He only needs to see one technique of hers before he's got her figured out."

"Just one?" asked Ino in surprise.

All Naruto did was grin, not stopping his repair work. "See for yourself, Ino-chan."

"Begin!" yelled Anko before moving away. And it was just in time too, since both Genin started out with twin volleys of shuriken that clashed where she once stood.

Tenten then pulled out a scroll and unrolled it, having the loose parchment twirl and move in flowing patterns before the seals on the scroll began to light up one by one. As soon as one did, an assortment of throwing weapons – a different ensemble for each seal – appeared in a burst of smoke before she grabbed and threw them in fluid motions and with deadly accuracy.

Shino was on the move as soon as the first batch of weapons appeared. He wasn't going to idiotically stand in place and leave himself wide open; that was suicide. As he moved, he made sure to do so in rolls and acrobatic jumps that allowed a hand to touch the ground, and each time he placed some of his chakra below the stone flooring.

One of the things Team 8 did after their first C-Ranked Mission was up their training; both Ino and himself learning advanced techniques from their parents, as well as branching out so as not to be too predictable. If there was one thing one could learn from working alongside their loon of a teammate, it was that spontaneous and unpredictable kept you alive more often than naught.

It was thanks to branching out that Shino found he had a strong affinity for Earth Style techniques, and he was using his training to its fullest effect by pumping chakra into the earthy battleground. So, after dodging the tenth wave of weapons, he finally made his move; having come up with a plan right after she revealed her sealing prowess.

"_Earth Style: Earth Clone Jutsu_," he declared as ten copies of him made of reshaped stone rose from the spots he had specifically touched. The clones then charged at Tenten, forming a defensive wall in front of the original Aburame as he ran behind them.

Tenten cursed as she pulled out two scrolls and made a handseal. "_Weapon Control: Twin Rising Dragons_!"

The two scrolls emitted twin bursts of white smoke that rose up rapidly and took the shape of dragon heads. Tenten leapt skyward with them, unsealing weapons as she rose up before she started throwing dozens upon dozens of them without abandon. Shino countered this by having his clones circle him as he went through his own handseals. "_Earth Style: Earth Dome_!" The clones began to meld into one another as their stone cores stretched and shaped into a full sphere of hardened earth that rendered the weapons useless. "Now," he murmured within his protective sphere, "time to end this."

"Dammit," cursed the weapons user as she was forced to end her technique and land. However, as soon as she did, she felt hundreds of tingles traveling up her legs and looked down just in time to see dozens of insects crawling all over her. "Oh crap! Get off of me!" she yelled as she tried to swipe off as many as she could, but felt herself growing weaker by the second. _'Dammit! I'm…blacking out…'_

With that last thought, she lost too much chakra and fell unconscious as the insects moved off of her and towards Shino's earthen dome that sank back into the ground below. Anko nodded at this and declared, "The winner is Shino Aburame!"

"See? He had it all along," restated Naruto. "And it only took one technique to witness; weapon unsealing." Ino was impressed with the prediction of her redheaded teammate while Kurenai smiled at Shino's win.

"The second match will be between…Omoi of the Hidden Cloud and Choji Akamichi of the Hidden Leaf."

The two Genin in question both made their way down after being wished good luck by their sensei and teammates; though Karui and Sakura both said not to make their respective teams look bad.

Meanwhile, Naruto had finished tinkering his jack-in-the-box and was looking through his journal of laughs and chuckles, trying to decide on one to use for when it was his turn. Looking over his shoulder was Samui, curious about what he was thinking. She had faith in her teammate, even if he overthought things many times.

"Can't decide?" she asked, earning his attention as the match went on.

"It's so hard to pick just one, y'know," he answered while his finger drummed on his chin thoughtfully. He then handed her the journal, surprising her as he grinned. "I'll let you pick for me! Go ahead; I trust you."

_'He trusts me? So easily? But why?'_ she mentally ranted, thrown for a loop at how innocent the young man before her was even though he was certifiable. Still, she gave the journal a look, flipping through the pages and studying the illustrations. _'These are well drawn; almost professionally,'_ she noted in her head. Finally finding one that intrigued her, she put the Cloud insignia next to it and handed him back the journal. "That one looks the coolest."

"Awesome!" he cheered as he studied the plan, committing it to memory in seconds before putting away the journal.

"The winner is Omoi!" called out Anko, making the two Genin looks down to the floor and see that Choji was unconscious while Omoi was breathing heavily and shaking off any lingering sparks from his sword.

"He must've shocked Choji into submission," mused Naruto. "Did he use his _Expansion Jutsu_?"

"Duh," Ino answered with an eye roll. "It's his family's signature technique."

"But it also leaves them very vulnerable," Samui countered while Naruto nodded in agreement. "The body expands, but the water inside gets spread out to a great degree."

Kurenai saw where she was going. "So, since water is so conductive to electricity, he left himself more vulnerable to Omoi's jutsu."

_*Ding! Ding! Ding!*_

A buzzer rang and Naruto was seen dressed in a nice suit like a host for a show. "That's absolutely correct, Kurenai-sensei! Johnny, tell her what she won!"

A clone of Naruto – though it was blonde with blue eyes – smiled and nodded. "You and a guest of your choosing win an all-expense paid trip to the Hidden Leaf Hot Springs, where you'll enjoy a full body relaxation complete with hot rock treatments, facials, and a private spring room!"

An audience of Naruto clones all applauded and whistled in cheer as the original Naruto handed his sensei two tickets, making her eyes go wide at how they were _real_ tickets and not props or gags. "And that's the end of our show, folks!" Naruto exclaimed as an ending credit song began to play. "We hope to see you next time on _Jutsu Breakdown_!"

The clones, "Johnny", and Naruto's suit all disappeared in clouds of smoke while Gaara of the Sand just finished his match with Dosu Kinuta from the Hidden Sound by killing him in the first move. Many of the Genin were spared seeing the gruesome display of power thanks to Naruto's random moment.

"The fourth match will be between…Kiba Inuzuka of the Hidden Leaf against Akatsuchi of the Hidden Stone," declared Anko as the two Genin stepped down onto the arena floor.

Kurenai smiled and ruffled her zany student's hair at her prize. "Thank you Naruto. This was a very thoughtful gift."

Ino eyed the tickets enviously. "Dammit… Why can't I get anything like that for free?" She then blinked when she saw another pair of authentic tickets hovering in front of her face. Dazedly, she grabbed them while Naruto grinned brightly. "How do you have MORE of these?!"

"Oh, I get these all the time," he waved off casually, watching Kiba struggle against the rock solid defenses of the large Stone Genin. Akatsuchi was definitely a big person for his age, and his greater size was definitely working in his favor. "I run entertainment at the Hot Springs and get paid in coupons and ticket all the time. I even get tips from really nice ladies who enjoy my acts; though I still don't know why I get sticky notes with random numbers on them with my tips."

Ino, Samui, and even Kurenai face palmed at the obvious acts the women were performing to the oblivious Uzumaki. _'Thank the Kami he's so dense,'_ praised Samui before she caught her idle comment. _'Wait… Why am I grateful for that?'_

"Aww, another loss for us," complained Naruto as he put a tally mark on a random chalkboard next to him. So far, between "Leaf" and "Other", the Leaf had one mark – thanks to Shino – while Other had three due to the wins by Omoi, Gaara, and now Akatsuchi.

"Ino Yamanaka of the Leaf versus Kankuro of the Sand!" declared Anko, making said blonde perk up.

"Finally! Get ready to add another mark for us, Whiskers!" Ino stated with a smirk. "I'm bringing us a win!"

The response she received was a chibi fox Naruto walking between the spectators with a box that had money in it. "Place your bets, folks! The Princess is up against the Pauper in in this toxic showdown! Minimum bet is 500 ryo (note: around $50)!"

"Pauper?!" yelled Kankuro from the battle floor. "If anything, _I'm_ the _Prince_!"

Chibi Naruto paused and looked back at Kankuro, studying him for a moment before turning back to the betters. "It's a battle of the Princesses, folks!"

"Why you little-!" began the puppeteer before he was blindsided by a flying spin kick from the Yamanaka heiress.

"Pay attention to the fight, _princess_," mocked Ino with a smirk as she pulled out a kunai with a purple powder coating the blade.

Kankuro saw red at that and unwrapped his puppet, Crow. "That's it; you're dead, b****!" He then blinked in confusion. "What the h***? Hey! Who the f***'s doing this s***?!"

Naruto snickered as he held a remote in his hand that said "Property of ECC (Elemental Communications Commission)" on it. "We gotta think of the children after all," he commented, winking at the Readers.

Kankuro looked dumbfounded. "…Are you censoring me? How in the flying f*** are you doing that kind of s***?!"

"Nookie ain't the only thing flying, Makeup Man!" called back the Uzumaki teasingly.

Before the Sand Genin could begin to ponder that comeback, Ino threw her kunai at high speed at him. He barely registered it in time, moving to the side to dodge; but it still cut his cheek and left a scratch that began to gain a nasty purple coloration.

"S***! Poisoned kunai?!" he cried out, still being censored.

"Please be mindful of the Ninja Wolf's Bane," teased Ino as she closed in and decked the now poisoned Genin with an emblazoned fist, showing her, slightly ironic, elemental affinity. The fist struck him in the face and sent him tumbling to the ground, knocking him out and ending the match in her favor. "But be more mindful of the person in front of you."

Anko was fighting a laugh at Kankuro's defeat, and she couldn't keep the grin off of her face when she exclaimed, "The winner is Ino Yamanaka!"

Up on the balcony, Temari palmed her face at her brother's idiocy while Gaara was curious about his fellow redheaded Jinchūriki. He seemed so carefree; so unlike himself, yet just as mentally unstable. Gaara wasn't foolish enough to say he wasn't crazy. He had a massive beast made of sand sealed into him that whispered to him whenever it could, keeping him from a moment's rest. But why was it that a fellow container, one who could hear the voice of the beast he carries, was unstable yet could be so happy? He had to know.

"The next match is-"

"_Yawn_!" called out Naruto, drowning out his surrogate sister and leaning on the railing with a bored look on his face. Of course, he made sure to keep her from hearing it. He may be loony, but he wanted to stay alive, dammit. Absently, he noted that the two most vocal kunoichi were up against one another. "Karui wins this one," he noted and turned his back on the match, putting another tally mark under Other.

The score was now Leaf: 2, Other: 4.

"What makes you think Forehead lost?" Ino asked with a raised brow. "The match didn't even-"

"Oi!" he cut in before pointing at his tally board. "Who's drawing the marks here?"

She blinked. "Uh… You?"

"You damn right I am! And I say Sakura lost." He perked up for a second before holding up three fingers. "And she's lost in three…two…one."

"Winner by knockout, Karui of the Hidden Cloud!" declared Anko, making Ino's eyes widen. She looked back to the arena floor and saw Sakura out cold with a massive bruise encompassing her forehead while Karui was shaking and blowing on her slightly swollen fist.

"Damn! What the hell's her head made of? I nearly broke my wrist!" she complained, tenderly holding said appendage as she walked back up the stairs.

Turning back to her redheaded teammate, Ino was greeted to a firm look and nod from Naruto. "The markings never lie," was all he said. He then turned to the randomizer and frowned before chucking his piece of chalk at it.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched as the white stick of hardened powder flew across the arena and bounced off of the screen of the randomizer, making it stop on two names: Sasuke Uchiha and Temari of the Sand.

Naruto twitched before palming his face. "Darn it! I threw it too late!" Thoroughly annoyed, he began to go through handseals and-

_Hey, hold on a second! You're doing my job again! Don't you dare!_

_'Too late! Timeskip Jutsu!'_

To Naruto, it looked like his surroundings got caught in a distortion swirl of time and space before everything resettled and showed Sasuke as the victor of the match while Temari gained some new scorch and burn markings on her skin, clothes, and battle fan.

_You impatient asshole! If you had just been a bit more patient, than Mister Avenger would have lost to the Wind Mistress! But no~! You had to skip everything!_

The whiskered redhead's brow twitched before he moved to the wall behind him…and started to bang his head against it. "Son! Of! A! Bitch!"

Samui winced at every hit his face took before she pulled him away from the wall. "Easy now… It wouldn't be cool if you knocked yourself out before your own match, right?"

His eyes were swirling comically and he looked at her dazedly. "Ooh~… Pretty snow angel," he slurred out, making said _Snow Angel_ blush scarlet while Ino grinned at gaining some teasing materiel and Kurenai shook her head in amusement.

"The next match is between Hinata Hyuuga of the Hidden Leaf and Kin Tsuchi of the Hidden Sound," declared Anko after having one of the Chunin guarding the doors clean up the chalk marking on the randomizer screen.

Both kunoichi stepped down onto the arena floor, one looking amused by the events that had happened throughout the matches and the other calming her nerves. Anko began the match and leapt away as Hinata finished mentally preparing herself and took the Gentle Fist stance. However, her opponent wasn't paying attention to her and was looking at the crazy, whiskered redhead with interest.

"He's quite a character, isn't he?" she asked without facing the Hyuuga heiress. "Where'd you guys dig him up?"

Hinata was unsure of how to respond since they were supposed to be having a match; not shooting the breeze about a boy she hadn't seen since she was a child. "He was sent to our asylum as a boy," she answered hesitantly. "I was told he was let out about half a year ago."

"No fooling?" Kin asked, finally facing Hinata with her brow raised. A smirk was formed on her face as she shook her head in amusement. "Man… Tayuya would get a kick out of him; assuming she didn't kill him first." She then stretched out her arms lazily, whistling casually as if she was uncaring about the match; and she didn't if her facial expression was anything for Hinata to go by. "Well, no more stalling I guess. Thanks for just standing there, by the way." Her smirk returned, but it gained a level of cruelty to it. "It left you…wi…de…o…pen…"

Hinata began to panic when she heard Kin's voice slow down to a crawl and get distorted. Bringing her hands together, she tried to dispel the obvious genjutsu, but it wasn't working. She didn't understand; what was happening? How was she caught in a gen-?

_'Wait… The Hidden Sound…'_ Her eyes widened in realization. _'She caught me in a genjutsu by talking? How?'_

In "Hinata Time" Kin hadn't moved save for just starting to raise her leg; centimeter by centimeter. However, in actual time, Kin was already standing in front of the heiress while whistling in varying pitches and tones to keep her genjutsu going strong. Casually, she pulled out a kunai and held the blade close to the girl's neck, hovering over the jugular while her eyes moved to the proctor.

Anko sighed at the short match, but she had to give props to the Sound kunoichi. Honestly, who could make such an effective genjutsu by just talking and then whistling? Her talent was beyond impressive. "The winner is Kin Tsuchi. You can stop whistling show tunes now."

"Wait!" called out Naruto, eyes wide and body leant forward with interest. "She was whistling show tunes?!" A megawatt grin spread across his face, nearly stretching it beyond its natural limit as he leapt down onto the floor, twirling a cane and spinning a top hat that he obtained from thin air. Pointing the cane to Kin, he exclaimed, "Hit it!"

Beyond amused, the Sound kunoichi played along and began whistling a new tune while Naruto…

_…Really? *bland look*_

…began to sing.

_"I'm just wild about Mary, and Mary's wild about me~_

_Oh, the heavenly blisses from her kisses fills me with ecstasy~_

_She's as sweet as chocolate candy, just like honey from a bee~_

_Oh, I'm just wild about Ma~ry~_

_And she's just wild about~_

_Cannot do without~_

_She's just from the South~_

_Cannot do without~_

_Can't ya hear me shout?~_

_Talking with my mouth~_

_Could you ever doubt?~_

_She's just wild about meeeeeeeeee~!" _(1)

He finished the number by twirling Kin around, making her spin at high speed all the way up the stairs and stop by her still living teammate with a dazed smile and laugh. Meanwhile, Naruto bowed to his public while Anko laughed her ass off and clapped. Everyone else was at a loss for words while Killer Bee was jotting down the lyrics in his own notebook. Slowly, Samui shook her head with an amused smile on her face.

_'What will you come up with next, Naruto-kun?'_ she commented, not noticing the affectionate suffix she had just used.

It took a few minutes for Anko to calm down, but when she did she announced the next match between Shikamaru Nara of the Leaf and Zaku Abumi of the Hidden Sound. This match ended up being a surprisingly short one; though it didn't end very well.

It started with Zaku becoming quickly annoyed at his opponent's lack of interest, seeing it as disregarding him as a threat. He would've used his air cannons internally put into his arms if the Nara hadn't been surprisingly quicker on the draw and captured him in his _Shadow Possession_ technique and forced him to cross his arms to send the incoming attack in different directions.

Unfortunately for Zaku, while his jutsu went off, the power behind it went against his body being forcibly locked in its current position. As a result, his arms were forced out of place in an excruciating manner, making him pass out from the sudden bout of agony.

As noted; a quick, but unpleasant, match.

The tenth match was between Rock Lee of the Leaf and Kurotsuchi of the Hidden Stone. This match started off explosive, with Lee charging in at high speed while Kurotsuchi unleashed an onslaught of Fire Style jutsu to make him keep his distance.

When he eventually got close, they began an intensive taijutsu battle, but Kurotsuchi was quickly forced on the defensive against the raw strength of the Heavy Fist style that Lee had learned from his eccentric sensei. So, she evened the playing field by coating her limbs in stone, resuming their exchange of blows with more confidence. However, it ended in a deadlock when both combatants took a heavy blow to their faces by their opponent's fist.

Forced to back away from each other, due to the stunning effect of their respective punches, Lee leapt further away and landed on the statue of the ram handseal while turning to his sensei for a confirmation to his silent question. Kurotsuchi however wasn't going to let him take his eyes off of their fight, and used a high level Earth Style jutsu to shake the entire arena; the _Earth Style: Ground Shockwave_ technique.

Forced to keep his balance, Lee couldn't get his question answered for the moment and leapt off of the statue, heading toward his kunoichi opponent and rearing his fist back. However, he was left wide open for her to use her bloodline jutsu. "_Lava Style: Quicklime Congealing Jutsu_!"

She spat out a mass of gray that caught Lee in his midsection, the force of the hit pushing him back hard enough for him to land on the ground. When he tried to stand back up, he found his movements slowed to a halt by the hardening quicklime, leaving him open for Kurotsuchi to hit him with a hard, double-striking dropkick that struck home right in his face. He would've been sent flying if his body was still trapped in the cemented substance, but he was still rattled pretty hard by the force of the kick.

Out of options, he was about to unleash his trump card when his sensei yelled out, "Lee! Don't even think about using that!" The Genin was barely able to look at his sensei due to his confinement, but Guy still saw the hurt expression being hidden by his drive to continue fighting. "You'll have another chance, my student. Today just wasn't your day, and there's no sense potentially damaging your youth beyond repair for this fight." His face hardened to a stern look as he finished, "A Chunin must know when to fight and when to withdraw."

After a few moments of staring at his mentor, Lee sighed in defeat and nodded. "Yes, Guy-sensei. Proctor-san, I withdraw."

Anko nodded and she sent Guy a smirk to show her support as she declared Kurotsuchi the winner. Once she had been declared such, the kunoichi released her jutsu and sent Lee a smirk. "Too bad we couldn't continue. I would've loved to see what trick you had up your sleeve. Maybe next time, Leaf Boy."

Lee, grateful for her words, nodded in agreement and sent her a "Nice Guy" look. "I will look forward to the day we can both use the flames of our youth to their fullest, Kurotsuchi-san!"

She bit back a laugh at how his words could've been interpreted as she went back to her team. With four Genin left, the randomizer picked the second to last pair of combatants. Those two were shown on the screen in less than five seconds.

Naruto Uzumaki of the Leaf and Shizuka of Nadeshiko Village.

"Yes!" cheered the Uzumaki as he leapt down onto the floor, bouncing on his feet in excitement while his opponent stood in front of him.

She was a fair-skinned girl of average height. She had green eyes and waist-length black hair in a hime styled cut tied into a high ponytail with short bangs and chin-length strands framing her face. On her forehead proudly rested a black headband and she wear her village's traditional and form-fitting uniform. Said uniform was gray colored with a right shoulder-guard, grey gloves, and an opening in her shirt which revealed a small part of her sizeable cleavage.

She eyed her opponent, frowning in confusion. He was odd…yet strangely charismatic at the same time. He gave off the aura of a fool, but he had enigmatic abilities that affected, not only himself, but his surroundings and others as well. She would have to be careful around him.

However, custom superseded caution, and she made her declaration before anyone – even the Hokage – could stop her. "Naruto Uzumaki, I declare this match to be one of Nadeshiko Tradition. If we fight, you accept and the terms are set. This is your one chance to walk away with no risk to your life."

That confused him and he scratched his head while tilting it. "Um… What now?"

Anko, having figured it out, was torn between worry and amusement for her little brother. "What she's referring to, gaki, is a time honored tradition of the Nadeshiko kunoichi. What they do is challenge men to a duel with the stakes in their favor." She ignored the glare Shizuka sent her for the insult; no matter how factitious it was. "If she wins, she's in her rights to kill you."

_**"****She'll be dead before she could even think about trying,"**_ Kyuubi promised with a snarl, ready to protect her kit.

"However, if you win…" The violette woman scratched her head awkwardly. "Well, I'll let her tell you what happens when you do."

"When?" Shizuka asked, surprised at the confidence the older kunoichi had in the Uzumaki. This made her even more cautious as she turned her gaze to his strange eyes, finding herself unnerved by the blue, glowing slit pupils. "Do you accept these terms?"

The higher ranked ninja had mixed feelings on the tradition of the Nadeshiko. Even Bee wasn't thinking of any raps in favor of waiting for Naruto's response. Though, he did note that Samui was frowning and sending a rather nasty look towards the girl; something that was quite out of character for the normally cool-headed girl (note: pardon the pun).

Naruto still looked confused about the terms, but he did know one thing; he would get some kind of surprise if he won. That was enough to convince the loony ninja. And so, with a grin, he nodded in agreement. "Sure, I'll accept. Now c'mon, let's start the fight already! I'm super pumped up over here!"

For some reason, hearing his eager acceptance made Shizuka feel…lighter; more at ease. It even made her smile faintly as she nodded in return. "Very well then. Let's begin, Naruto Uzumaki."

The resident loon of the Leaf slammed his palm on the ground to start things off, producing a huge mass of smoke that engulfed the entire arena from floor to ceiling. When it cleared, the spectators found themselves seated on bleachers overlooking a square fighting space that had ropes acting as barriers. Seated with them were dozens of anthropomorphic ducks that looked eager for the fight to begin.

In one corner of the ring stood Shizuka while a heavy set duck wearing a white cap and white sweatshirt stood center ring. "Ladies and gentleducks!" he began, gaining their attention. "In that corner, we have our challenger, Shizuka!" Many ducks booed while a lone dog with brown fur sat in his own empty section.

"Hooray!" cheered the dog before it got pelted by an assortment of random items.

"And in this corner," began the ref once again, but in a much more sincere and respectful tone, "is a man who needs no introduction." He moved over to Naruto, who was now dressed in just a pair of sweat shorts, simple shoes, and a pair of gloves that were shown to be meant for solely punching. "An upstanding example of pure, clean sportsman ship. The champion of champions," he rubbed Naruto's head affectionately, "your friend and mine, our own, our beloved Naruto "Good to his Mother" Uzumaki."

The ducks all cheered loudly while the dog yelled out, "Boo!" This only earned him another pelting of random items.

Both "fighters" moved to center ring and Shizuka was at a loss for words at what was going on. "Now you two, I want you to fight clean," the ref ordered before turning to wink at his fellow ducks.

Said ducks all said "Oh, brother!" in a chorus.

"No rough stuff," continued the ref. "None of _this_," he elbowed Shizuka in the gut, "or _this_," he stomped hard on her feet, "or _this_," a kick to her shin, "or like _so_," he bumped into her torso with his large backside, "or _this_," a double kick to her gut, "or _this_," he pulled her headband over her eyes, "or _this_," he finished by kicking upward, knocking the headband back in place while leaving the poor kunoichi stumbling in a daze. "You understand?"

Naruto moved over to his opponent and asked, "Yeah, you mean none of _this_," he too elbowed Shizuka in the gut, "or _this_," he stomped hard on her feet, "or _this_," a kick to her shin, "or like _so_," he bumped into her face with his butt, "or _this_," a double kick to her gut, "or _this_," he pulled her headband over her eyes, "or _this_?" he finished by kicking upward, knocking the headband back up. "Or _this_?" he added as he pinched her nose and made a honking sound while the ref shook his head. "How about a little of _this_?!" He then did a small hop, floated in midair for a moment, and turned around to punch her body with an enlarged fist that sent her flying back into her corner.

The ref shook his head once again and stated, "Absolutely uh-uh."

Nodding, Naruto moved over to Shizuka and helped her to her feet. "C'mon girl, you got this! He's a pushover!" he said in a pep talking manner. "He'll go down in one hit! Now, get out there, Champ! Go on, Champ!" Moving back to his side, he took a stance while the ref moved to a bell on the side of the ring.

"And~, here's Round One coming up!" he declared before hitting the bell.

_*Ding!*_

As soon as the bell rang, Shizuka collapsed and the ref rushed over to do his count. "1, 3, 9, 10! You're out!" He then raised up Naruto's arm and exclaimed, "The winner, and new Champion, Naruto Uzumaki!" (2)

This set the ducks off in a loud cheer while a fanfare played and Anko went to check over the Nadeshiko girl. After a brief moment, she saw that the girl was out cold and proclaimed, "The winner of the eleventh match is Naruto Uzumaki!"

As soon as she said that, everything that had changed disappeared in a burst of smoke and returned to normal while Naruto helped walk Shizuka to the infirmary. Because of this, he wasn't able to stay for the final match between Samui and Neji Hyuuga. He also missed the frown Samui was sending towards Shizuka because of what would now happen.

Reaching the infirmary, Naruto placed Shizuka on a bed and grabbed a medic to look her over. It was at this point that she had awakened and was staring at the room's ceiling. She let the medic do their job while Naruto stood off to the side; something she was actually grateful for.

Once she was healed up and told to rest, the two Genin were left alone in the room. "Sorry if I went too far," apologized the Uzumaki. "I like to mess around and go crazy, but I'm not a big fan of hurting others. You okay?"

She finally turned her gaze away from the ceiling, facing him with a small smile. "Yes, I'll be alright. That match was…strange, and I didn't get to really show what I could do; but it was entertaining in its own way."

That earned her a grin from the Uzumaki. "Glad you enjoyed yourself then; even if you were the one taking the hits."

"Truthfully, Naruto Uzumaki, I'm glad that you won our match. It would've been painful to take your life if I had won. You're truly a unique and pure person, despite your mental state." Her smile grew as she finished, "I'm looking forward to becoming your wife."

The sound of some brakes squealing was heard inside of Naruto's mind while Kyuubi was wide-eyed at the statement. _**"M-My kit's…WIFE?!"**_

"…Wife?" he repeated in confusion, being thoroughly thrown for a loop. "I…don't understand."

"It's simple, really," explained Shizuka with her smile never fading. She was enjoying how stumped she had just made him, finding it adorable. "My people seek out strong men to gift us with stronger children. If they lose to us, they weren't strong enough and were wastes of our time. However, if they bested us – like how you just bested me – then we marry them so that we can carry their children and make the next generation stronger than our own." She gazed at him affectionately, having become enamored by his power over her and the dominance he had in their fight. "I can't wait for the day I carry your child in me, my betrothed."

Back in the arena, Samui felt something snap in her mind for some reason – one that had nothing to do with her arrogant ass of an opponent – and she snarled. Flying through seals, she didn't even call out a jutsu before she sent an intense wave of Lightning Style chakra at the Hyuuga, nearly blinding him with the sheer brightness the technique had produced. The jutsu struck him like a bolt from the heavens and sent him sprawling backward in a heap, convulsing at the shocks to his system and forcing him into blissful unconsciousness.

The blonde beauty from the Cloud didn't even wait to hear herself be declared the winner as she returned to her spot on the balconies. Her arms were crossed, her brows were furrowed, and her teeth were ground together at the sudden level of pure anger she had suddenly felt. In her mind, there was a single culprit and it took the form of a certain girl that the boy she liked had just bested.

She was going to have words with Shizuka concerning the loon who captured her heart.

* * *

**1~ This song was taken and slightly altered from the episode **_**Yankee Doodle Daffy (1943)**_

**2~ This whole sequence was taken and slightly altered from the episode **_**To Duck or Not To Duck (1943)**_

**And there you have it; the fifth installment of this loony series! I hope the fights were enjoyable, as well as the jokes, gags, and moments of randomness!**

**If you guys have certain **_**Looney Tunes**_** episodes you want me to check out and incorporate into this, then send it to me via PM and I'll get to it ASAP!**

**Until next time!**

**pain17ification**


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